Chapter: 13 Teenage Love

Teenage lovers holding hand

Nature has made man and woman different from the beginning. What man posses biologically (especially sex organs) and psychologically is different than woman and what woman posses is different than man. This is because to make them able to fulfill each other’s needs and lacks.

Woman has a set of sex organs made to get pregnant and to bear baby in womb for 9 months. Whereas man has different set of sex organs made to impregnate a woman. This is a biological fact which you have to understand.

Psychologically, woman posses nurturing and social behaviour whereas man posses aggressive behaviour. Let’s go to little ancient time, at that time whenever wild animals used to attack village, aggressive behaviour of man was perfect to deal with such animals. But to deal with a child, social and nurturing behaviour is perfect rather than aggressive behoviour. These kinds of behaviours are naturally obtained from childhood. For example, a girl child likes to play with doll, teddy bear and toys related to kitchen. Whereas, a boy child likes to play game related to fighting and attacking. Similarly even in adult age women like to engage in household work and caring baby. Whereas man like to work outside where aggressive behaviour is generally required.

A woman wants to feel safe and protected and wants to bear healthy child and wants to secure bright future for them. That’s why in past women used to choose mating or life partner on the basis of social status, physical structure and economic status. Whereas a man needs to be emotionally supported and calmed down. At present, due to influence of media , advancement of human society, balance of rights and advancement of laws and justice this kinds of wants and desires are either decreased or suppressed. But also their influence can be found if we look around ourselves.

From above you can see how man and woman equipped to fulfill each other’s needs and desire. They are also well equipped to solve various problems, when they are together. And love is the only thing that keeps man and woman together for a long time in order to supporting each other. You may say sex is greater but I think love is. Sex is like academic certificate whereas love is like education. Generally education is needed to have certificate. When you have good education then you will automatically get good certificate. In this way, when you have true love then sex will be more better and provide long-term satisfaction. You may say that one can have a fake certificate. Yes, it is true. Like fake certificate one can also have sex without love. But such kind of sex is not satisfactory and provides regrets, later in life.

So, love is a wonderful thing to have if done in a right and proper way. But teenagers are not fully developed to make their love successful. That’s why teenage loves generally don’t last for longtime.

I have some reason to prove this: Like when you were a child you used to enjoy in your imaginary world, you used to enjoy watching cartoons, superstitious and imaginary programmes and movies, you used to play with toys etc. but when you became teenager you lost your interest towards all those things, you started to like movies based on love story, you started to get attracted towards opposite sex, you started to realize your responsibility and limit, you started to get worried about your future, etc. Again, when you become adult you are going to change a lot.

Generally, teenager gives more priority to physical and external attractiveness. They generally don’t care about other things which are which are more important than physical feature. But when one becomes adult he/she starts to think differently and he/she gives priority to other things which are more important. Generally at that time, physical attractiveness and external factor becomes secondary goal. At that time he/she will realize and understand what is truly important and what is not, he/she will realize how stupid he/she was during his/her teenage year and regret over the past wrong decision and bad activity of past.

So, at that time your lover may not like you or you may not like your lover, which you had chosen during your teenage year. In such condition one party will probably end up having broken heart, broken dreams and depression, even after giving few months or years of efforts and dedications to make love successful.

Another fact is that, teenage love is generally conditional. While doing love in teenage year you may say, if he/she will be like that then only I will love him/her or if he/she posses that thing then only I will love him/her and if not then I will dump him/her. But have you ever seen unconditional love of adult people? Despite of frequent misunderstanding and dispute they(adult lover) manage to stay together. As they love each other unconditionally and even in condition of dispute and quarrel, they manages peaceful discussion, realizes each other’s fault, solve that matter and give excuses to each other as far as possible. But, when such quarrel occurs in teenage love then they generally do breakup and hold a feeling of revenge and hatred against each other.

Remember that teenage period is the time to grow, learn new skill and to make yourself ready to cope the problems of future and to be successful. This is the most efficient time to learn and become better as you don’t have to worry about basic needs because your parents are there to fulfill all your basic needs. But later, you yourself have to fulfill most of your basic needs and you don’t get enough time to improve your skill and qualification. So, give your most priority to enhancement of skill, career and future than love during your this age.

One very true but bitter fact that occurs in our society is marriage by eloping. Many teenage lovers think that marriage is the only way to institutionalize their love. In the beginning days, after their marriage such couples might have a good life due to sexual attraction and money. But later when poverty, starvation and unemployment hits that family then their marital life starts to ruin because they lacks experience, skill and knowledge to cope such problems. In such conditions most of the troubles have to be faced by girl due to prevalence of male dominant society. In such family birth of a child just adds additional problems, especially to that girl. Such girls are not generally accepted by boy’s family and generally they becomes victim of torture by family members boy’s side. In such condition if the love and marriage was between inter-caste couple then the problem will only becomes more severe, as our society is still traditional and cultural minded.

By showing these facts I am not trying to advocate against teenage love. But I am just trying to make you aware about risk involved while doing love in teenage year. Time has changed a lot. So, it’s not possible and also not good to forbade one to do love during teenage year against his/her will. But, one shouldn’t make it too much serious; otherwise he/she has to face various problems in future.

Acknowledge this, “Don’t ever let your love to fly in the sky without any support on the ground, because when it falls down on that bare ground then it hurts a lot and that pain may not allow you to stand up again.”

So at this time give your major time and priority to your career and future than love. And use your love to motivate and improve each other not to degrade each other and not to waste each other’s time.

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Chapter: 18 Five Major Mistakes by Teen

In this chapter I am going to describe about five major mistakes which can occur in teenage and can effect throughout the life time.

i. Using drugs, alcohol and cigarette

teenage girl smoking

Life is meant to live happily and fully. But these kinds of poison can affect you throughout the life time and can even cause premature death.

Remember, in life everything happens for the first time. Your first try will lead to second try; your second try will lead to third and so on. Who knows your single dose of drugs, your single glass of alcohol or single puff of smoke can make you addict person.

So, don’t ever give a try to such worthless and disgusting tasks, not even for the first time.

ii. Skipping school and ignoring to work hard.

Although you may not like to do degree but you should at least attend school for up to basic level. So, that you can learn basic language i.e. Nepali and English, solve basic math problem and understand basic reasons and laws of science. But you should make studying and learning as a lifetime habit. You don’t need to get higher level of formal education to get success, if self study is your habit. World is continuously changing, your time is continuously reducing day by day and competition is continuously increasing. To withstand this condition self study can help you a lot.

Next thing you shouldn’t forget is to struggle. You should work hard and struggle to make your future better, either by studying up to higher level of education or by learning some kind of technical skills you like and at last utilize them to earn money.

You should realize that main purpose of formal education is also to earn money. So, if you don’t want to study after basic level, then don’t hesitate to work outdoor or learn other skills. But make self study a life time habit.

“Leaders are readers” -Econoimist, Barry Asmus

iii. Not being truly who you are.

Have you ever heard of a factory that manufacture human being? Certainly, not. We human are created by nature so we are different from each other. We aren’t made by factory to be similar.

We are different to be better than anyone who has ever born before and to do the thing that no-one has done before. You can’t compare Steve Jobs, Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg with each other. You can’t compare Sir Issac Newton, Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawkins with each other. And you can’t compare Mother Teresa, Abraham Lincoln and Mahatma Gandhi with each other, can you? No, you can’t. All of them are different that’s why all of them contributed in this world in a different way to make this world a better place to live.

Everyone, even you in this world carries a true potential to be successful and your potential is trying to come out through some means. So, find out the means(it can be your aim or goal) that you like and enjoy the most and give your best effort to accomplish it.

iv. Marrying and being parent at early age

Some teenager when get in love, they start to think that marriage as the only way to institutionalize their love. So, they marry without being physically, mentally and financially ready. Moreover when they give birth to child, they not only destroy their career but also affect the future of their child.

You should understand that marriage is not like love, which can be broken anytime. You may say “I can do divorce.” But is it good to you marry with the hope of doing divorce? Marriage is not the things to try, it’s the needs. Marriage is the life time commitment to share happiness, joy, sadness and accept each other’s imperfection. And marriage requires not only love but also financial support and all round well being to get successful.

So, change your mentality before it is too late.

v. Listening to peer and ignoring adult.

I have already mentioned that teenagers listen to their peer because they share same kind of view, mentality, desire and problem. As, bird with same feather fly together. But listening to your friend all the time and accepting all their views is not right. For example, when your friend suggest you to try a cigarette, to buy expensive dress, to help them to fight with other group and so on? Do, you need to accept those things? Probably not, such activities are just waste of time, money and many more. And such things don’t matter in the future but can only give you regret and pain.

Next thing you have to do is accept the adult. Adult people are more experienced than you, they knows how the world run and can show you the right paths. But you don’t need to accept all the things of adult. Adult people are generally conservative and see risk on trying new things. As time is progressive and world is always changing, so don’t always listen to adult sometimes listen to yourself. Don’t ignore the basic and true facts which adult says.

Remember, we should take suggestion from various sources but listen to our own self.

These above mentioned are only some mistake that can occur in your life. There are many mistakes which can affect your life. So, to make right decision in such conditions you can take help from experienced people, books or even Internet.

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