Chapter: 11 Teenage Life

Teenagers

                                         Everyone experiences teenage life which begin at about 11 years of age and last up to about 20 years of age. This is a transitional stage of physical and psychological human development. As well as change in brain occurs with the increase in knowledge and ability to think abstractly and reason effectively.

                                       Teenage is the short period of life i.e. about 10-15% of whole life. It is the time of learning and growing to be able to face and solve the problems of life. Small changes in teenage life can bring great effects for whole life because it is the initial stage of life. It is time to choose the direction for our life. And if you do a mistake while choosing direction then your whole life can wander around the wrong direction.

                                      For example, if you are morally good, hard-working and positively hopeful person, then you hold a high chance of being successful and good person later in life. But, if you are wicked, addicted and negligence person then you hold a high chance of being unsuccessful and bad person, later in life. You may say that adult people can also involve in bad activity later in life even after being good in teenage year. But chances are very low for adult to choose bad path than teenagers.

Let’s take another example, just imagine what will happen to bicycle moving with the speed of rocket? Certainly it will be more vulnerable to heat produced by friction and may even get destroyed. But rocket don’t get destroyed nor it get affected with that much speed because rocket is fully developed and advance than bicycle. In this way, although you have energy and physical body like adult, but they are not completely developed. Many things in you are still developing so they may not work well. But adult person is more developed than you almost in all aspect, s/he knows how the world works, s/he is more experienced than you and s/he knows which thing is important and which is not.

                                                                             Let’s see some feelings and changes which occur in teenage life:

1. Although you are not completely a child but little influence of imaginary and overestimating character of child is still in you. That’s why, like child you become too much ambitious and you overestimate yourself whereas you underestimate many reality of life. Whenever you see public figure like artist, athletes, politician etc then you want to be like that person without caring about your present condition and challenges. You also regard yourself as extraordinary. And later when your ambition becomes unreachable or impossible then you start to feel stressed and depressed.

2. Externally you start to appear more like adult and less like child. That’s why people around you starts to treat you like adult, they decrease their guidance and observation over you because they forget the one fact that you are still not completely adult and you aren’t mentally ready to handle stress and challenges of adult life. During teenage years you yourself have to make many decisions and decision which you make may get wrong. You faces many new physical and psychological changes which you haven’t experienced before. And such changes and challenges are mostly handled by you yourself.

3. During this stage there is also influence of adult brain over you. That’s why you want to be independent and have self respect. You hate when people scold and criticize you. You start to hold feelings of revenge, anger and hatred for a long time, even if the matter is small.

4. Due to hormonal and physical changes you start to get attracted towards opposite sex and you want to be loved by opposite sex. And your desire to have sex also increases. Since this kinds of feelings are new to you, that’s why you lack experience to handle and manage it properly.

5. You want to spend your most time with your friends. Because you and your friends share same belief, attitude and same physical changes. And it is fact that, people who shares same belief, same problem, same conscious level and same standard wants to spend time together. You might have heard a saying “Birds with same feather fly together.” During teenage year, as you spend your most time with friend like you and if the attitude, behaviour and habit of your friends are not good then it will starts to influence you.

6. At this time you don’t have to be stressed about basic needs like foods, clothes, shelter and other things because your parents are there to fulfill it. So you only give priority to short- term gratification and you don’t think about tomorrow. So, you just want to watch T.V, enjoy and you don’t want to study because during teen year you generally don’t have to worry or stress about basic needs. One research shows that, teenagers give high priority to rewards especially social rewards than consequences. That’s why whenever a teenage boy sees his friends or other people then he try to speed up his bike and tries to show stunts. Because he wants them to give him a social reward which includes positive comments like cool, awesome, fantastic etc. While speeding up his bike and showing stunts he ignore the risks and consequences involved which can even kill him. That’s why during this teenage year, one ignore the consequences and risks of using drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, wasting too much money etc whereas gives a lot of priority to rewards especially social rewards obtained from doing such activities.

7. Remember adult people rule the world.Look around your house, college, nation… who is leading it.
– No matter how much powerful or invincible you may think:
-You will fail, if you don’t study.
-You will end up in jail, if you rob or steal.
-You will die if you do drugs, speed up your bike…
List goes on and on.
But here’s a thing, you will be successful, if you give something of value to other.

This kind of above mentioned facts make teenage life most vulnerable.

I will describe about some of the above mentioned facts in the upcoming chapters. But also try to realize and understand these above mentioned facts and improve yourself.

Remember this quote, “The consequences of today are determined by the actions of the past. To change your futures alter your decisions today.”

Acknowledge that, you yourself should be responsible for the good and bad reward of your good and bad deed respectively.

photo credit: Whiskeygonebad via photopin cc

Advertisements

Chapter: 12 Value of Time

Awesome Watch

Time is progressive because it waits for none and it is valuable because life is short. If you live for about next 70 years then you have only about 25,550 days remaining to live. For a while, this figure looks a lot but in reality it isn’t. For example, when someone gives you Rs 1000, at first this amount of money may looks too much to you. But if you start to spend that money randomly and if that money reduces to Rs 100, then that same amount which you have got in the beginning, appears to be like small amount and you may even regret over your unnecessary expenditure.

Another example to prove it is: imagine your next exam is scheduled to 365 days ahead. At the beginning this number of days may look too much to you. So, you may spend it on useless tasks like unnecessary partying, wandering, watching T.V, movie etc. Every day you may just put off your studying task for next day or next week in order to give yourself time to enjoy. You may not even notice that your time is going down until you have just 20-30 days remaining before exam. Then at that time, you start feel too much pressured. You start to regret about your habit and past useless task. At last your exam may even get worse.

In this type of case you don’t have to worry too much because it is just a small amount of money and just an exam. And you can also say, “Next time I will do much better” because you can again get chances to earn money and face the exam again at various point of life. But, if same type of condition happens at the end of your life then can you say “Next time I will do better?” No you can’t. Instead you only have to bear self hatred, self criticism and regret.

Whereas if you had spent that Rs 1000 on important thing then that same amount would have worth more and could have even given you sense of satisfaction. And if you had properly utilized most of your time before exam for studying, then those 365 days would have worth more and you would have felt good about it. Similarly, if you utilize the time of your life on the things that matters or give you innermost satisfaction then, you can make your life valuable and you also don’t have to regret later in life.

Now I will like to give you example of some major things which can waste your time:

1.Television and knowledge less movies

You may like to watch T.V and movies too much. But watching too much of such things will only waste your time. Some of the facts of watching T.V and movies are:

i. Research shows that T.V slows down our mind and excessive watching of T.V can make one’s brain inactive. You may say, “We can get news and information from T.V and movies.” But it is better to read such news and information from newspapers, books or internet. Because reading makes your mind to imagine the scenes of things which you read and can even help in development of brain.

ii. Nowadays T.V programmes and movies are highly commercialized. They are also less effective in giving good moral and knowledge. Moreover they are accompanied by lots of advertisements which encourage you or increase your desire to buy the product shown in advertisement, even if you don’t really need it.

iii. Most movies and T.V programmes contains violence scenes, nude scenes, scenes of using drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. And too much exposure to this type of scenes can create the negative impacts on your brain and even encourages you to do so in real life.

iv. How many hour do you watch T.V in a day? For example, if you watch T.V for 1 hour in a day then in a week you will watch T.V for 7 hours. And at the end of the week do you feel like you have achieved anything by watching T.V? But if you had spent that 7 hours time in something important that matters, then you would have certainly got sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

v. Programmes and movies in T.V is just tricking you and holding you back. Do you know why you want to watch T.V? The major reason behind this is that programmes in T.V and movies give you short-term sense of achievement of thing that you want to happen in your life. As your mind feels and behave what you are seeing in T.V is really happening in your life and even releases chemical like adrenaline or dopamine depending on scenes, which gives you sense of satisfaction, excitement, fear or risk. For example, teenagers wants to be in love with opposite sex, due to this programmes or movies related to love story is popular among teenagers as it provides them short term sense of what they are desiring is really happening in their life. Whereas cartoons and imaginary programmes are popular among small children because they wants imaginary and supernatural things to happen in their life. So, instead of watching T.V to get short-term gratification, start to work hard to achieve the things which you really want in life and get true satisfaction and happiness.

I think now you have been too much clear about T.V programmes and movies. So, from today try to reduce the time which you waste in watching as much you can. The more you reduce watching T.V the more productive you can be.

2. Internet and Social Networking

This is the age of information and technology. At present, major source of information is internet. But instead of using internet for information many teenagers and youth uses it for doing useless tasks and chatting in social networking sites. If you are one of them then I want to say something.

Social networking sites have been very helpful for making this world a global village. They are helping us to chat and make a video call with our relatives and our friends who are living far from us. We can even make new friends through them and many more. But what is happening is that such social networking sites are being misused and are being used too much than necessary. Do you know that in developed country people are using internet to earn money, to gather information and to make their life better. But many people in our country are using it to spend their valuable time by doing useless or worthless tasks. Do you know, that too much use of social networking site can also make you addict to it. There is a saying “Too much cooks spoils the broth.”

So, use such social networking sites for good and productive thing and avoid its excessive use. Beware of cyber-bullying and remember that it is better to meet the person directly or talk with him/her through video or audio call than chatting with him/her by sending text message. Social networking sites are made to make our life easier not to damage it. And don’t forget to use internet for getting new information.

3. Smoking, drinking alcohol and using drugs.

Smoking, drinking alcohol and using drugs can also waste your time. I think after reading chapters related to them you might have learnt pretty much about them. Again what I want to say is don’t use such substances.

Remember “Every moment you get is a gift. So spend it on the things that matter. Don’t spend it by dwelling on unhappy things.”

Thus, realize the value of time from today and appreciate your each second and utilize it properly.

There is a saying, “To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
-To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who has given birth to pre-mature baby.
-To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of weekly newspaper.
-To realize the value of ONE hour, ask the lover who are waiting to meet.
-To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask the person who missed the train.
-To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.”
Treasure every moment you have! And remember “Time and tide waits for none.”

DO you think you lack a time to do something? If so then first of all read this quote:
“Don’t say that you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Hellen Keller, Pasteur, Michanlangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo Da Vinci and Albert Einstein”
-Life’s Little Instruction Book compiled by H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Isn’t the above mentioned quote truthful? Have you ever realized that you are also given equal amount of time that was given to great people? Well, it’s up to you how you utilize your time and how much effectively you use it?

There is another saying: “You don’t get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring in the hour.”
-Jim Rohn

That’s why people in higher posts are paid more than the people in lower posts. Have you ever thought that why only handful number of people is remembered from among the billions of people who have died in this earth? And another amazing thing is that everyone who has born in this earth was given equal amount of hours, minutes and seconds in a day, since from thousands of years ago. This is all because of proper utilization of time. That’s why people like Moti Ram Bhatta, Parijat etc are remembered and respected even though they had lived for short time.

So, it don’t matter how much time you have got to live. The real thing which matters the most is how you spend the time you have got to live. So, start living fully on the thing that really matter.

photo credit: Paul Tridon via photopin cc

Chapter: 13 Teenage Love

Teenage lovers holding hand

Nature has made man and woman different from the beginning. What man posses biologically (especially sex organs) and psychologically is different than woman and what woman posses is different than man. This is because to make them able to fulfill each other’s needs and lacks.

Woman has a set of sex organs made to get pregnant and to bear baby in womb for 9 months. Whereas man has different set of sex organs made to impregnate a woman. This is a biological fact which you have to understand.

Psychologically, woman posses nurturing and social behaviour whereas man posses aggressive behaviour. Let’s go to little ancient time, at that time whenever wild animals used to attack village, aggressive behaviour of man was perfect to deal with such animals. But to deal with a child, social and nurturing behaviour is perfect rather than aggressive behoviour. These kinds of behaviours are naturally obtained from childhood. For example, a girl child likes to play with doll, teddy bear and toys related to kitchen. Whereas, a boy child likes to play game related to fighting and attacking. Similarly even in adult age women like to engage in household work and caring baby. Whereas man like to work outside where aggressive behaviour is generally required.

A woman wants to feel safe and protected and wants to bear healthy child and wants to secure bright future for them. That’s why in past women used to choose mating or life partner on the basis of social status, physical structure and economic status. Whereas a man needs to be emotionally supported and calmed down. At present, due to influence of media , advancement of human society, balance of rights and advancement of laws and justice this kinds of wants and desires are either decreased or suppressed. But also their influence can be found if we look around ourselves.

From above you can see how man and woman equipped to fulfill each other’s needs and desire. They are also well equipped to solve various problems, when they are together. And love is the only thing that keeps man and woman together for a long time in order to supporting each other. You may say sex is greater but I think love is. Sex is like academic certificate whereas love is like education. Generally education is needed to have certificate. When you have good education then you will automatically get good certificate. In this way, when you have true love then sex will be more better and provide long-term satisfaction. You may say that one can have a fake certificate. Yes, it is true. Like fake certificate one can also have sex without love. But such kind of sex is not satisfactory and provides regrets, later in life.

So, love is a wonderful thing to have if done in a right and proper way. But teenagers are not fully developed to make their love successful. That’s why teenage loves generally don’t last for longtime.

I have some reason to prove this: Like when you were a child you used to enjoy in your imaginary world, you used to enjoy watching cartoons, superstitious and imaginary programmes and movies, you used to play with toys etc. but when you became teenager you lost your interest towards all those things, you started to like movies based on love story, you started to get attracted towards opposite sex, you started to realize your responsibility and limit, you started to get worried about your future, etc. Again, when you become adult you are going to change a lot.

Generally, teenager gives more priority to physical and external attractiveness. They generally don’t care about other things which are which are more important than physical feature. But when one becomes adult he/she starts to think differently and he/she gives priority to other things which are more important. Generally at that time, physical attractiveness and external factor becomes secondary goal. At that time he/she will realize and understand what is truly important and what is not, he/she will realize how stupid he/she was during his/her teenage year and regret over the past wrong decision and bad activity of past.

So, at that time your lover may not like you or you may not like your lover, which you had chosen during your teenage year. In such condition one party will probably end up having broken heart, broken dreams and depression, even after giving few months or years of efforts and dedications to make love successful.

Another fact is that, teenage love is generally conditional. While doing love in teenage year you may say, if he/she will be like that then only I will love him/her or if he/she posses that thing then only I will love him/her and if not then I will dump him/her. But have you ever seen unconditional love of adult people? Despite of frequent misunderstanding and dispute they(adult lover) manage to stay together. As they love each other unconditionally and even in condition of dispute and quarrel, they manages peaceful discussion, realizes each other’s fault, solve that matter and give excuses to each other as far as possible. But, when such quarrel occurs in teenage love then they generally do breakup and hold a feeling of revenge and hatred against each other.

Remember that teenage period is the time to grow, learn new skill and to make yourself ready to cope the problems of future and to be successful. This is the most efficient time to learn and become better as you don’t have to worry about basic needs because your parents are there to fulfill all your basic needs. But later, you yourself have to fulfill most of your basic needs and you don’t get enough time to improve your skill and qualification. So, give your most priority to enhancement of skill, career and future than love during your this age.

One very true but bitter fact that occurs in our society is marriage by eloping. Many teenage lovers think that marriage is the only way to institutionalize their love. In the beginning days, after their marriage such couples might have a good life due to sexual attraction and money. But later when poverty, starvation and unemployment hits that family then their marital life starts to ruin because they lacks experience, skill and knowledge to cope such problems. In such conditions most of the troubles have to be faced by girl due to prevalence of male dominant society. In such family birth of a child just adds additional problems, especially to that girl. Such girls are not generally accepted by boy’s family and generally they becomes victim of torture by family members boy’s side. In such condition if the love and marriage was between inter-caste couple then the problem will only becomes more severe, as our society is still traditional and cultural minded.

By showing these facts I am not trying to advocate against teenage love. But I am just trying to make you aware about risk involved while doing love in teenage year. Time has changed a lot. So, it’s not possible and also not good to forbade one to do love during teenage year against his/her will. But, one shouldn’t make it too much serious; otherwise he/she has to face various problems in future.

Acknowledge this, “Don’t ever let your love to fly in the sky without any support on the ground, because when it falls down on that bare ground then it hurts a lot and that pain may not allow you to stand up again.”

So at this time give your major time and priority to your career and future than love. And use your love to motivate and improve each other not to degrade each other and not to waste each other’s time.

photo credit: ARACELOTA via photopin cc

Chapter: 14 Understanding Sex

Teenager kissing

In this world, multicellular living organisms like human being are continuing their life cycle since thousands of years. Their existence is possible due to production of new organism from older organism of same species. Without sex this production is not possible and that organism will certainly extinct.

Similarly human being is able to continue their life cycle and its race due to sex. You can see how much is sex important biologically. But it can become too much dangerous if you take it lightly and randomly. So, in this chapter I am going to make you aware about sex especially teenage sex.

In the past the main aim of sex used to be give birth to baby. Now it is linked with pleasure due to availability of modern contraceptive devices.

In the teenage period due to hormonal production and development of sex organs for being able to produce baby, you may feel desire to have sex. So, there is chance you may indulge in teenage sex which generally occur after teenage love or sometimes without any love.

Generally, major impacts and risk of teenage sex occurs over girl. So, I will like to focus this article over girl. Here are some facts that I want you to acknowledge:

i. If you involve in teenage sex even due to teenage love you regret about it later because teenage love generally don’t last long. You may feel regret of losing virginity for the person who don’t care you. This will only make you depressed, you may lose your confidence and generally you won’t feel that much of dignity like you used to feel previously before having sex.

ii. Best way to prevent unwanted pregnancy and STDs like HIV-AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes etc is to be away from sex. Contraceptive devices that are available today are also not 100% efficient. So, even though you adopt preventive method while having sex, you won’t be 100% safe from STDs and unwanted pregnancy.

iii. If you are a girl and if you become pregnant then can you face the bad criticism and comments of the society? Even if you managed to resist and ignore the society, it will be very hard to ignore your own feelings and thoughts of regret and self hatred. You have to face severe depression and sadness. You may not even get the support of your family at that time, when you need it the most.

iv. You may think that you can undergo abortion, which means to kill your own baby. Do you know that even the mother- animal won’t kill her own baby? Imagine how much self-hatred, regret, and problem you will face at that time? And generally underage abortion is very risky, so you may not be able to give birth to child again or breathe again after abortion.

v. If you want to give birth to the baby then next big question is how can a child can give birth to another child and take care of it? Not only you but also your child have to bear risks and your child may not be healthy. After giving birth to that child you have to commit yourself to take care and support that child for more than next 16 years. You may not be able to build your career and fulfill your many dreams. You can imagine how hard it will be to grow a child by a being single parent. Or look around the widow women and her children and observe the difficulty of their life due to lack of her husband.

vi. It don’t matter if you are a boy or girl but if you have already engaged in sex then there will be high chances that you will again engage in more sexual activity. Because after involvement in sex for the first time you will feel more confident and encouraged to involve in next time. And more you involve in such kind of teenage sex, the more you will have to face risk of STDs infection and teen pregnancy.

vii. This is the age of digital media like camera, video-camera etc. and if anyone became able to capture the photo or video of you while involving in sex and if he/she upload it over the internet then within a minutes that photo or video will be accessible through every nook and corner of the world. In such condition can you imagine what will happen to your dignity, self-respect, social status and your family’s reputation? Can you face the comments and criticism from the society? You may even be victim of cyber-bullying and black-mailing.

viii. One very important fact that you need to realize is that you don’t need to have sex with your lover to show that you love him/her. Especially for girl, if your boyfriend tries to blackmail you by saying, “If you love me then have sex with me. Otherwise I will dump you.” then in such case you should easily understand that he does not truly love you. If he had truly loved you then he would have respected your opinion and he would have happily waited to have sex until marriage. Another thing you should know is that the world is occupied by more than 7 billion people. So don’t feel sad to dump the boyfriend who doesn’t truly love you.

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

-Marilyn Monroe

Realize these above mentioned facts and don’t engage in sexual activity prior to marriage. Instead you can engage in safe sexual behviour like masturbation.

Below I will like to mention a trick which can help you to control your sexual arousal or sexual imagination, if you do it in right way. For that just try to inhale air up to 10 seconds, try to store that air or stop your breathing for up to 10 seconds and finally try to exhale the air up 10 seconds. Remember that you don’t have to inhale, store or exhale the air exactly for up to 10 seconds but try to do up to how much as you can by counting the number of seconds silently inside your mind.

Repeat this process until your mind is finally diverted away from sexual arousal or imagination.

NOTE:- If the facts mentioned in this chapter matches to your personal life then I would like to apologize for it. My intention is not to hurt you but I am trying to prevent the other teenager from facing the same problem which you have faced.

photo credit: Www.CourtneyCarmody.com/ via photopin cc

Chapter: 15 Sexual Abuse and Bullying

Abused girl

Sexual abuse also known as molestation, is the forcing of undesired sexual behaviour by one person upon another. The offender is referred to as a sexual abuser or molester

Sexual abuse can happen to both male and female. Sexual abuse is the harsh process done by stronger one to weaker one in which the abuser can also be family members like father, uncles or cousin, relatives, neighbours, friends and stranger.

In addition to direct sexual contact, child sexual abuse also occurs when an adult engages in indecent exposer (of the genitals, female nipples) to a child with a intent to gratify their own sexual desires or to intimidate or groom the child, asks or pressures a child to engage in sexual activities, displays pornography to a child or uses a child to produce child pornography.

Effects of child sexual abuse may include self guilt and self blame, nightmares, fear of things, depression, suicidal ideation, mental illness and flashbacks.

One can go against the abuser legally. So, if you are a victim then go against the abuser legally as far as you can. Your this step can motivate other victims to go against the abuser and can also discourage such devil minded abuser to repeat their animal like behaviour.

If you are a victim of sexual abuse then don’t feel bad about yourself, it’s not your fault. It’s the fault of that abuser and you should make him/her to pay for his/her deed legally as far as you can.

Remember sexual abuse can happen to anyone and it is not good to face that problem by hurting or killing yourself. Just believe that God has chosen you to face that situation because you are stronger and extraordinary than other. Don’t make yourself weaker by hurting yourself.

Remember, “Special things happens to special people.”

Use your problem to make yourself stronger and be the source of motivation to other who have faced the same situation and moreover try to prevent other from facing that situation.

Problem are there to make us stronger not to destroy us

Ignore the naysayer, because people who can’t do themselves says you can’t do.

Ignore the people who negatively criticize you because they are internally jealous of your bravery and courage that allowed you to face the problem.

Ignore the people who tries to lower your confidence and dignity because they want you to become ordinary like them, as they can’t withstand the fact, that you have become extraordinary.

Remember, “ A successful man is one who lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him”
-David Brinkley

If you are having very difficult to live a normal life after sexual abuse then take the help from rehabilitation center, counsellor, psychologist or institution working for child welfare for solution and help.

Remember that there is always solution to every problem. And there is always better way to do everything.

Bullying

Bullying is a form of aggressive behaviour, which may manifest as abusive treatment, the use of force or coercion to affect others, particularly when habitual and involving an imbalance of power.

Bullying consists of three basic types of abuse i.e. emotional, verbal and physical. It generally involves subtle methods of coercion such as intimidation. Bullying can manifest in relationship, household, school, friends, workplace and so on. Teasing and giving someone extreme negative criticism so that it hurts that person is also a type of bullying.

Below I have mentioned some ways to face bullying:

i. Bullying generally happens to that person who is living in fear, guilt, grief or shame. If you are the one who is living with such things, then remove them from your mind and body. If you lack something which other posses then admit that fact. And if you can improve your present condition then improve it otherwise let it go. Live fearlessly and be mentally stronger because there is no point of being sad, depressed and tensed. Being sad and depressed will only makes situation more and more worse. So that, try to face the problem, win over it and try to reduce its influence from you.

“Life is a choice. You can choose to be victim or anything else you like to be”

ii. Remember, even great people are not perfect in this world. Everyone has their own set of imperfection. And everyone has their own set of special and unique quality. Find out your quality and potentiality and utilize that quality properly. For example, if you have a hole in your garden which should be filled by mud. But if you only posses sand then it will be far better to fill that hole with sand than letting it unfilled and being sad over it. So, try to utilize what you have and use it to fulfill what you don’t have.

iii. Avoid the bullies from being around you as far as you can. Everyone in this world deserves better if they do better things. So, don’t fear to dump and ignore those people who try to hurt your feelings. Protect your feeling and dream with the strong shield of confidence, courage, dignity and self worth. Don’t let anyone to break you and your dream.

Now, let’s talk about cyber bullying. Nowadays use of social networking site is increasing all over the world and even in the country like ours. Due to various mistake of people, cyber bullying and cyber crime is increasing day by day. I am going to show you a true story relating to cyber bullying:

Amanda Todd is a Canadian teenage girl who had suicide by hanging herself in 2012 A.D at the age of 16 due to cyber bullying. Let’s see how this happened, according to the video which Todd had posted in You-tube before few days of her suicide, that when she was in grade 7 she used to do video-chat to meet new people over the Internet and she used to receive compliments on her looks. One day a stranger convinced Todd to bare her breasts on camera. The individual later blackmailed her with the threats to expose the topless photo to her friends unless she gave a “show”. In her video she told that later she began to use drugs and alcohol.
Even though she had changed her school, after three years the individual reappeared creating a Facebook profile, using that topless image as the profile image. That individual contacted with her classmates and teachers at her new school and unveiled many things related to Todd. Again Todd was teased by friends even after changing school. She told that she was even physically attacked and insulted by her classmates and friends. She tried to kill herself by drinking bleach but was unsuccessful. She began to engage in self mutilation and she even overdosed anti-depressant and was hospitalized for two days. At last due to extreme disappointment and failure of all attempt to kill herself, she hanged herself at her home.

If you want to know more about her and her video then do a Google search writing her name. If you can then, also try to find more about cyber bullying.

So, if you are parent then aware your children about this. If you are someone else’s elder brother or sister then make your younger one aware about this before it becomes too late.

Always remember,” Prevention is better than cure.”

Chapter: 16 Depression

Depressed lady

Depression is the state of low and aversion that can have a negative effect on person’s thoughts, feeling, world’s view and physical well being. Depression has no age limit and can occur to all age group. But in this chapter I am going to discuss about teenage depression.

Some symptoms of teen depression are:
i. Sadness or hopelessness.
ii. Decrease in self esteem.
iii. Being less inactive.
iv. Feeling worthless and thinking no-one cares.
v. Spending more time alone.
vi. Decrease in desire to do the things that were used to be fun once.
vii. Sleeping problems, imbalance in appetite and headache.
viii. Paying no attention in class, degradation in grades and staying away from school.
ix. Wanting to run away from home.
x. One may feel like crying, dejected and cannot concentrate on things.
xi. Feeling irritated, unloved and anxious.
xii. One may feel that s/he is the unlucky person in the world.
xiii. One Wants to suicide or hurt him/herself.
xiv. Involvement in abusive substances.

These are some symptoms of depression. But some symptoms are normal during teenage period due to hormonal change, change in thinking style and du to increase in stress. In teenage period it is normal that you may feel sad one day, happy another day, lonely other day and so on. But also try to find out the root cause of such sadness, loneliness, unhappiness etc in time and try to solve the root cause before it takes the form of depression. Whereas, symptoms like wanting to attempt suicide or to hurt oneself shouldn’t be taken lightly.

But if these kinds of above mentioned symptoms occur on you for more than two weeks then you should try to get special treatment or counseling.

Some major causes of depression are mentioned below:

i. Bullying or harassment at school or somewhere else

Bullying is the process in which stronger or powerful one tries to hurt weaker one. And harassment means to hurt people or make them feel unpleasant. The best way to prevent bullying and harassment is to maintain distance from those people who gets involved in such activity. If it doesn’t work then take the help of teacher or helpful adults as far as you can. Otherwise ignore such people. Let’s see an example of it: During the time Gautam Buddha, one man became very jealous about the name and fame of Buddha. So, he went to meet Buddha, at that time Buddha was meditating. So, he scolded, yelled and used worse word at Buddha. After sometime Buddha opened his eyes but that man was surprised to see calm and peaceful behaviour of Buddha. So, he said,” Although I scolded and shouted at you, why are you so peaceful and calm? And Buddha replied “If someone wants to give you a gift but if you ignore that gift, who will be the owner of that gift? That gift will certainly be of the same person who wants to give it to you, won’t it be? So, I also just ignored your entire gift.” Hearing this that man started to feel regret and asked for forgiveness with Buddha.

So, sometimes ignoring other can be great way to avoid other to harm you.

ii. Child abuse:Physical or Sexual

Child abuse can leaves the long-term marks in the growing brain of teenager. It may cause one to feel anxious, irritated and hopeless.

To face this kind of situation one shouldn’t feel guilt due to abuse especially sexual abuse. Best thing you can do to solve it is take the help of trustful and responsible adult and expert.

iii. Unsuccessful relationship and family problem

Family problem can also cause depression which includes divorce or separation of parents, being or feeling uncared or unloved by parents and death of parents. Sometimes breakup from one’s boyfriend, girlfriend or best friend can also cause depression.

If you are the one facing this kind of problem then you can request your parents or friends to stop doing the things that is hurting you. If it doesn’t work then accept that condition. You can’t make someone to love you or others. So, just forget about such relation if you can’t do anything about it, but don’t hold the feeling of hatred or revenge over them. These kinds of feeling won’t let you forget them and move forward. But if one deserves a legal punishment then go for it.

“Hate is like acid. It can damage the vessel in which it is stored and destroy the object on which it is poured”
-Ann Landers

To improve the situation, you can start to be with those who loves, cares and respects you. Don’t worry to leave who don’t matter, remember this world is like a ocean and if you are unable to get one fish, then you can try to have another.

iv. High ambition

It is true that we should set high ambition but we shouldn’t underestimate about the dedication that is required to fulfill that ambition. Generally at this teenage period, one wants to become everything. Whenever one sees singer, dancer, movie stars, politician and athletes either in real or T.V then he/she wants to be same like them. If you are one of them, then this is because you may not have any aim which truly matches your desire and feeling. And because when you see such people you can only see their success, fame and achievement but you don’t see their sacrifice, dedication, weakness and hard work and you only desire to be famous. When these kinds of dream, where you have underestimated the dedication, don’t get fulfilled then you will end up being depressed.

What you should remember is that there is thousands of ways to contribute to this world and get famous. Just choose a specific field which you truly desire, which makes you happy and which you are passionate about. Then try to get expert on that specific field. But don’t think that perfection and faultlessness as the things which can be achieved, just take it as a direction to move forward and become better. While moving forward, don’t get afraid and depressed of various limitation and obstacles.

“Everyone faces challenges in life. And what matters the most is how you learn to overcome them and use them to your advantage”

v. Being unsatisfied with oneself.

In this world no-one is perfect. Many don’t realize this fact and get unsatisfied with oneself. Generally teenagers are unsatisfied because they want to have all round development and perfection. They may be unsatisfied with their study, economy, appearance, family relation and so on, because they compare themselves with others. And what other generally do is, they try to hide their problems and weakness, which makes them to appear faultless and perfect. So, don’t compare yourself with others.

If you are one of them who is unsatisfied with oneself then look around the world there are vast number of things and all are important on their own place. Can you compare farmer and shopkeeper? No. They are completely different to each other but also they are contributing. And each of their contribution is very important to run this world in a balanced way. Similarly in your room there may be various things like chair, bed, table etc. Each of them are different and can’t be compared on any basis with each other.

It is the human nature to see other luckier and oneself unluckier. Realize this fact and don’t compare yourself with others.

“Why compare yourself with others? No one in this entire world can do better job of being you than you”

In life don’t worry about what you don’t have, be thankful for what you have. If you think more about what you don’t have then you will forget about what you do have.

You are precious, wonderful and unique as way you are. God has brought you in this world with a hope that someday you will be able to change the world not to change yourself. Don’t try to be others but be the original version of yourself.

Utilize whatever you have, to bring positive change in other’s life. This will certainly gives you immense happiness.

vi. Loneliness

Many people feel lonely due to lack of friends or family members. But during teenage period one generally feels lonely due to lack of lover or opposite sex, who they like. It is normal and happens to most. At teenage year your sexual organs starts to mature, different hormones are released and your brain starts to think differently. So, you get attracted to opposite sex.

Spending time with family

Stressing too much about this kind of feeling is not the good idea. You can reduce such loneliness by enhancing your relation with parents, good friends and by not living alone too much. Make yourself busy in the hobby or other creative work which you like the most. Just appreciate for what you have and try to enjoy with whatever you have.

Major consequences of depression.

Study has found that girls are twice more likely to get depression than boys. But boys who get depression are twice more likely to suicide or get involved in abusive substances than girls.

Two major consequences of depression are:-

i. Use of abusive substances

Many teenagers even adult get involved on drugs, alcohol and smoking due to depression. You should be clear that use of abusive substances won’t solve your any problems. Depression is the one problem you already have and use of such substances will only add another problem. Although you may feel high and pleasured due to its use but after its affects wears off, you again have to face the same problem.

If you become unsuccessful then don’t degrade yourself more by taking such abusive substances. But try to improve yourself and move more upward by facing and solving the root cause of the problem which made you unsuccessful.

ii. Suicide or self mutilation

If you are depressed then you may feel hopeless, sad and worthless. Sometimes situation may get too much worse and in such case thoughts of suicide or self mutilation may pop into your mind. And if you don’t solve the depression in time then your thought can happen in your real life.

One thing you should remember is that hurting yourself or doing suicide won’t solve your problem. But instead it will only affect you and people around you. You won’t be even remembered for that much long.

Before hurting yourself realize that how many plants and animals have sacrificed to feed you and to make your life comfortable. Realize how much your parents and your relatives have sacrificed their needs to fulfill your needs and to grow you up. All of them have hoped you to be better person or at least live your life fully. Is it fair to break their hope like a glass and tell me is it fair to make their sacrifice worthless, is it?

Don’t always expect others to help you. Many times in life you yourself have to help yourself. God will only helps to those who helps themselves.

Even though if everyone around you don’t believe in you. But, Mother Nature is always hoping for your contribution, that’s why she brought you in this world and that’s why you are living every bit of seconds till now. She has given everyone unique feature and unique purpose, and you should identify that purpose and try to fulfill it by utilizing whatever you have been given.

Even though, how hard you fall on the ground there are always ways to recover and grow again. For, example if your house is in fire then instead of jumping in that fire and killing yourself, you should try to throw as much water as you can to save your house from burning more. And try to build more better house than previous house from what you left after that fire. Moreover you can even work to prevent the other’s house from fire.

Remember, if you try then only you can win. If you don’t try then you will never win.
Don’t waste your precious life
Gold can’t but only coal can change itself into diamond after facing extreme pressure and pain.

So, realize your value, potential and don’t allow the pain to destroy you but use it as a fuel to motivate you to become better.

Ways to handle and solve the stress.

It is always best to solve the problem in time than to be victim of that problem later.
The very best way to treat depression (stress that last for more than 2 weeks) is to visit the expert or psychologists.

Some simple ways by which you can manage and solve your stress are:
i. Sharing the feeling, your problems and condition to someone whom you trust (especially who can encourage you) can help you reduce burden of problem, inner pain and sadness.
ii. Another thing you can do is write down all your problem, limitation and cause of disappointments on the piece of paper. Then dispose that paper in dustbin, fire or river. And think that your entire problem has gone away with that piece of paper you disposed. And try to be relaxed and hopeful for something good.
iii. Reading inspiring books, biography and self help books can help you a lot to feel better. In today’s society one of the major causes of teen depression is prevalence of media. That’s why people in the past weren’t too much depressed like today but also you can ask the good adult person about how was their teenage life.

These above mentioned way only help you to solve your problem externally. Some major ways to solve problem from its root are:

i. For this try to write the cause of depression on a piece of paper. Just write down whatever thoughts comes into your mind until you finally find true and deeper root cause of depression. Next thing you have to do is try to find out the best solution to the problem. You can even take the help of adult to find and accomplish your solution. One thing you have to understand is that solution of some problem requires a right time and right condition to get accomplished. In such cases don’t lose hope nor get sad. Just try to change your mentality and thinking attitude to make yourself wait for right time and right condition. There is a saying,

“You can’t find the leather to cover whole earth but you can find leather to cover your foot.”

ii. Next thing you can do is give yourself the autosuggestion and face the situation of which you are afraid of, at least within your mind. For example autosuggest yourself by saying,” I am becoming better and better. I am being able to solve..(name of problem).. I don’t fear doing ..(name of thing that you fear to do)… and so on.” Just think positively with clear mental image and think in a way that you have already achieved it. Repeat this type of autosuggestion as much as you can. Here I will like to show you how autosuggestion works. When you imagine about sweet dish, saliva will automatically comes into your mouth and when you think about sex you will automatically get sexually aroused. This is because our sub-conscious mind cannot differentiate between real and imaginary things. So, when you autosuggest yourself of being something even though you haven’t become in real life. Then your sub-conscious mind thinks it as a real and reinforces that thing to happen in real life. Next thing which you can do is face the problem mentally. Just imagine how you solved the problem that you fear of, imagine how you won over that problem and imagine what kind of positive change has been brought into your life after winning over the problem.

“Athletes visualize 1000s of times before they step on the track. They’ve already won. Other people just don’t know it yet”

iii. List out the things or good quality that you have. And think how can you utilize these things and use them for your advantage. Think how you can fulfill the needs of those things which you don’t have by utilizing the things which you have. Repeat this many times. And at last don’t only limit those thought inside your mind but work hard to make it happen in real life.

Try to acknowledge the fact I have mentioned in this chapter and improve your life.
Life is a choice. So, always make right and positive choice.

Don’t let your problems to limit you but work harder to limit your problems and finally reduce such problems.

photo credit: SalFalko via photopin cc

photo credit: maclauren70 via photopin cc

Chapter: 17 Facts Behind Stage

Concerts

“Every artist was first an amateur”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Isn’t this above mentioned quote right? Yes, it is. Every great person of this world were all borne naked like everyone else. What makes them different from ordinary people is the hours and hours of their dedications and efforts, they applied to enhance their craft and skill.

“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”
-Michael Jordan

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing but in rising every time we fail.”
-Conficius

“Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get back up.”
-Deamsian Wisdom

From above mentioned quotes you can see how great people views the failure. Great people are persistent to do the things that they want to do. They regard failure as something very important to get success.

“In order to succeed you must fail, show that you know what not to do next time.”
-Anthony J.D Angelo

“I haven’t failed. I’ve found 1000s ways that don’t work.”
-Thomas Edison, when inventing the first commercial light bulb.

Ordinary people regard failure as a source of sadness and disappointments. But great people regard failure as a source to learn something and to get inspired to do more better next time.

You may have role model and you may also try to copy way they dress, way they enjoy their life and way they use expensive products.

But real things what brought them there are not those things. Real thing that made them successful is their dedication, effort and attitude.

You may say,” I am also persistent and I practice a lot.” But remember: “Only perfect practice makes man perfect.” This is the age of science and technology and you should try to utilize everything in a proper and efficient way. Try to use each seconds of your practice period in a best way it can be used. Remember, it is not necessary to make mistake in order to learn something. But it is necessary to learn from other’s mistake.

To be successful you should be specific. Find out what do you truly want to do and give your most effort to that field, and then only you can excel in that field and solve even the toughest problem. For example, the laser beam is even able to cut steel because its all energy is focused in single point. Whereas, a ordinary light bulb can’t because it lacks single focus.

Avoid wasting your time on things that doesn’t matter. Always remain motivated to do the things that you truly want. Because you will be able to learn the things in an efficient and effective way when you are motivated.

Make studying a life time habit. Although great people like Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Abraham Lincoln etc didn’t attended higher level of formal education. But they adopted studying as habit and tried to learn from the mistakes of others. Great people reads books from various philosopher, great authors, expert related to their field and they accepts the suggestion of others if it is truthful. And great people enjoy becoming better and improving themselves.

Great people dreams big and try to challenge their own previous records. “Limitations are the things which we ourselves creates.” Always think positively. Always dream of being successful. Never ever think in a negative way. In life only positive thoughts can attracts the positive results.

“He who say he can and he who say he can’t are both actually right.”– Confucius

So, next time when you see your role model don’t only try to watch him/her externally. Don’t only look at what he/she is right now but try to find out his/her story of struggle and try to find out what he/she used to be. Don’t get afraid to go against the crowd if you are right.

Remember, “Diamond is a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well”

photo credit: marfis75 via photopin cc