Chapter: 24 Set Your Goal

GOAL

Do you have a goal in your life? And, have you ever set your goal properly to achieve it?

Well here is a saying:

To achieve your goal physically you need to first achieve it mentally. To achieve it mentally you need to set your goal properly.

Although, it is not necessary to set goal for the short term goal of one week or one month. But for longterm goal of 3 month , 6 month, 1 year and so on, you need to set your goal.

You may say, “Why should I set my goal?” Well, here are two major importance of setting goal which will make you aware about setting goal.

 

i. Helps to create single focus:

A goal helps to invest all your energy and effort in a specific area in more organized way. And focusing on single task helps to bring achievement easily and helps to gain depth skill in a specific area.

“In life as in football you won’t go far unless you know where the goal posts are”             -Arnold H Glasgow

 

ii. Helps to accomplish the thing which seems impossible:

Many great athletes and successful person are able to achieve successes and break records by setting goals. Many successful organization and companies spends large amount of time and money to set goals. That’s why they are able to break previous record and get more successful.

To set goals you should follow these criteria i.e. SMART

 

1. Specific(S):

Your goal should be specific. Your goal shouldn’t be like getting good marks, earning more money, doing better etc. But it should be something like achieving 80% in exam, earning Rs 5000 per month and so on.

For example if your goal is to achieve 80% in exam then try to be specific in marks to be achieved in each subject.

Furthermore you should be specific in your daily activity like studying XX hours daily, Studying XX subjects for XX hours, doing revision and so on.

You should also be specific in types of skill and habit needed to achieve your goal. To be specific you can use these following questions:

  1. How many hours do you need to invest daily in order to achieve your desire goal?
  2. Which area needs your major focus?
  3. What kind of habits and skills are needed to achieve the goal?

The more specific you will become the more better it will be. Thus, be more specific as far as you can.

 

2. Measurable(M):

Is your goal measurable? Can you track whether you are moving towards your goal or not? By making measurable goal it will be easier for you to see if you are progressing as planned or not.

By being specific it won’t be very hard to measure the progress of your goal. For example, to achieve your goal if you have set certain tasks to do daily or weekly, then you can track whether you have completed it or not.

To track your tasks more efficiently all you need to do is journalize your daily activities related to goal. For this, create a to do list of tasks for next day, upcoming week or upcoming month. And at the end of each week or month, try to compare how much you have accomplished or not. If you get failed to achieve tasks of to do list then brainstorm why you failed to achieve that tasks and try to prevent such mistakes in upcoming days.

In this way, if your goal is measurable then you can track your progress and improve yourself.

 

3. (A)Action oriented:

A goal should be action oriented. Only setting goal is not enough you should work according to plan in order to achieve your goal. You should be able to accomplish the tasks of to do lists in order to achieve your goal.

 

4. (R)Realistic:

Your goal should be realistic to achieve. For example, if you had got 40% in previous exam. Then, it is unrealistic to achieve 80% in next exam which is just three months ahead. People say “Nothing is impossible.” Yes, it is true. But if you set too much difficult goal which may cause you to doubt in yourself to achieve it, then you won’t feel motivated and action oriented to achieve your goal. So, your goal should be realistic but it also should be challenging enough to make you get out of your comfort zone. Study also suggests, that specific and ambitious goal leads to higher performance than easy or general goal. Challenging goal gives you opportunity to grow and learn something new.

Next thing is don’t overestimate yourself. Many people while trying to set their goal, sets unrealistic action steps. They ignore to set time for other activities like rest, recreation, social life and relation. Then within few days of practice of such unrealistic action steps, they get frustrated and hopeless. So, what should you do is try to balance things like rest, recreation etc and set realistic action steps. For example, if you don’t have a habit of studying, then in the beginning make a target to study only for 30 minutes or less than 30 minutes. After few days of practice, try to add next 30 minutes or less than 30 minutes to it, in order to increase your study session. Continue doing like this until you meet your desired study session. In this way, try to gradually intensify your action steps.

So, set realistic but challenging goal.

 

5. (T)Time bound:

“A goal is a dream with deadline.”

-Napolean Hill

There should be time limitation in your goal. If you don’t set deadline while trying to achieve goal then you will be unable to achieve your goal, according to your efficiency and capacity. Because there will be no urgency to complete it. For example, if you set time bound of 2 hours to complete your homework of 10 pages and even if you don’t complete your homework in that time but you will be able to utilize each seconds of that 2 hours properly and efficiently.

Next thing you have to do is try to break down your goal in small and manageable goal of one week or one month or both. Set certain small targets for each small goal and give your major focus to achieve such small goals. But don’t forget about your big goal and don’t forget to set time bound also for big goal. After achieving the target of each small goal give yourself a treat. This will not only help you to get motivated but also makes your goal achievable.

 

These above mentioned things are the five major things that you should fulfill while setting and achieving your goal.

There are also other important things which you should bear in mind and they are given below:

 

i. Think positively:

If you want to achieve something then always think positively. Because the more you think negatively the more negative result will occur. Even while saying don’t say, “I won’t be fail.” but say “I will be passed.”

Remember everything around us is made up of energy. So, to attract positive thing in your life, start by giving off positive energy and positive thoughts.

 

ii. Revise and improve your goal:

While walking in a journey it is necessary to look below in your path to avoid tripping, but it is also necessary to frequently look ahead of path and periodically over the map to make sure whether you are moving in right direction or not. In this way, to make sure whether you are progressing towards your goal or not you should review your action steps, smaller goals and plans.

Generally, try to review your goal after each month. While reviewing, try to find out whether you are progressing as planned or not. If not, then find out what is holding you back. After finding that problem, try to improve or solve it. Try to find out which action step is helping you and which is not. If an action step is not helping you to achieve your goal, then don’t get afraid to remove it. Whereas, if an action step is helping you more, then try to give more focus to it.

Sometimes you may achieve your target earlier than your expectation. For example, imagine that you have aimed to run 3 km in 5 minutes within 3 weeks. But you achieved it within 2 weeks, then in such case reward yourself for your achievement and again try to achieve more advance target like to run 5 km in 6 minutes within 3 weeks.

In this way, review and improve your goal to make it more effective and better.

 

iii. Motivate yourself:

Although, this topic may sound less important to you but it is also equally important as other. Because only motivation can keep you going, make you able to face obstacle and do hard work.

Below I have mentioned some way to get motivated:

  1. Write down your goal in a first page of the note book in which you journalize your daily activities and create to do list. After writing your goal, write down why you want to achieve it and what kind of change will occur in your life after the achievement of that goal. Don’t forget to write, what kind of effort will you need to spend in order to achieve your goal and how hard are you going to work? After writing try to review whatever you have written in that note-book as much as you can, on daily basis.
  2. If you share the progression of your goal with positive people and if they give you positive comment and encouragement then you will be so much motivated. So try to share about your goal to positive people.
  3. You can also use your environment to help you get motivated and reminded to achieve your goal. To do so, write down your goal on a piece of paper and paste it on the place of your house where you and other people can see it frequently. Sharing of your goal to the person who cares you or to the positive people, will help you to be accountable, responsible and motivated to achieve your goal. Because by doing so you start to get unseen pressure like, “If I don’t achieve my goal, what will other people say about it, what will happen to my respect…..?”
  4. At least once a day, especially in the morning, imagine about your goal. For example, if you have made goal to be doctor then imagine you have already become doctor, you are already treating patients, imagine how you struggled and worked hard to become doctor, imagine how everything changed in your life after achieving that goal. Like this, try to imagine the condition of your life after being doctor or anything else which you have set to achieve. Remember the more clearly you imagine the more motivation and inner desire you will get to achieve your goal.

Using these tips start to set your goal right now.

Remember, “It is better to learn and apply 1 thing, than learning 100 different things and doing nothing.”

 

 

 

Chapter: 23 Be Successful

Happy person

Everybody in this earth wants to be successful in their life. There is no boundary and limitation for being successful. Some people regard themselves as successful even when they achieve small thing but some people don’t regard, even when they achieve big thing.

Whenever, success is discussed even already successful people pay attention as success is a never ending thing. When one gets success in one thing s/he wants to get success in another thing.

In this earth only handful of people are successful who lives every moment as a gift and utilize each seconds efficiently. But many are not successful they just live like they are forced to live and they work like they are forced to work.

Well here are some tips which can help you to be successful:

1. Have a purpose:

What do you want to do in life? I think many of you may say, I want to be doctor, engineer, nurse, CEO, lawyer etc. Well these are not purpose but these are just goal which can be achieved after certain interval of time. Then what will you do with the rest of your life.

Well, generally a normal person after achieving his that kind of goal starts to earn money. Just imagine you are that person. Everyday you work so, that you can earn more money and you start to relate “more work=more money”. Then you will try to fulfill your material needs. Someday you may become millionaire but someday you will also certainly die. When you die, you won’t take anything. No, matter how much money you earned, how much strong relation you had and how much respected you were, all will be worthless when you die.

Generally, a normal person will say if I work hard today then I will be happy tomorrow. But great people enjoys and live the present moment, enjoy his work and don’t put off for tomorrow.

All the great people had discovered their unique purpose in their life. They tried to live according to their purpose for the whole life. So, they became successful. But an average person is living imposed purpose which is to earn money.

Next big question is how to find true purpose. But first of all try to solve this question:

*. What do you love to do for your whole life, even if you are not paid back?

Before answering this questions try to see some characteristics of purpose:

  1. Purpose shouldn’t be limited on the basis of geography and time. Your purpose shouldn’t be achievable even after thousands of years. Your purpose should work as a direction.
  2.  Each time you pursue your purpose you will feel excited and satisfied.
  3. You will be self motivated to do things which comes under your purpose.

Next big problem is how can you pursue your purpose?

Well, there are various ways to pursue your purpose. For example if your purpose is to help people to be self dependent then it can be pursued through various ways. You can provide them financial support or employment by becoming rich. Or you can motivate them to realize their value, to be self dependent and so on. If your purpose is to bring advancement in medical science then it can be pursued by researching and experimenting, being expert, or working in related field. Thus, you can pursue your purpose through what you love to do or what you are talent at.

Many of you out there may feel sad because your present work may not represent your purpose. Don’t be sad for that, just try to shift your work. But don’t change your job instantly because it can bring financial and various problem. Just be slow and steady in the beginning.

2. Do what you love:

Photographer

When someone asks you “What do you love to do?” Then you may say “I love to watch T.V.” But does watching T.V. give you long-term satisfaction. No, it is just giving you fake pleasure. You should do the thing that you love but that thing should be able to bring positive change in other’s life.

Your life will be better when you are able to make other’s life better.         

                   When you are able to make other’s life better then you can get true satisfaction and pleasure.

You may say what about money:

Well there is a quote:

Do what you love and money will follow you.”

-Marsha Sinetar

Bill Gates loves his work related to computer software, so he puts all his effort over his work and he has been able to bring positive change in people’s life. And people are paying for his contribution and work. So, if you become able to bring positive change in other’s life then you will be certainly paid.

    There is only one life you have to live so try to live it happily.

Life is a gift. Never forget to enjoy and bask in every moment you are living in.

So, do what you love not what other want you to do.

3. Conquer your fear and promote self belief:

What are you feared of? Many people fears of failure. So, they set small target in their life to prevent the risk of failure and to prevent disappointment.

You can’t predict what will happen next and there is always risk in life.

“All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them”

–       Walt Disney

If you fear to move ahead then how can you realize your true potentiality and how can you know what is ahead.

Next thing is self belief. Do you believe in yourself that you can become successful? If you can’t even imagine of being successful, then how can you make it happen in real life.

“One person with belief is equal to a force of 99 who have only interest.”

-John Stuart Mill

You should always believe in yourself and think positively that you can. Because only positive thoughts can attracts positive results in life.

Imagine you are going to participate in marathon. But if you get feared of failure and if you don’t believe in yourself that you can become first then you will never become first. But if you believe in yourself that you can become first and practice with the hope of being first, then only you can become first.

Remember, in life living without hope is worthless. If you don’t believe in yourself then how can you expect others to believe in you? There are naysayers and negative people all around you, and they may try to reduce your self belief and courage, who may try to hold you back. Just ignore such people. And realize failure is something that every successful people have to face in order to become successful.

So, don’t be afraid to fail and don’t be afraid to believe in yourself.

4. Determination and patience:

How hard do you want to be successful? You may say “I want real hard to be successful.” Let’s make it sure, try to hold your breath up to how much as you can. Just hold it until you can’t hold it further but at least for 20 seconds (but if you have health problem then don’t do it). Now tell me while you were holding your breath, what was your desire to do at that time? Was it to play video game, was it to watch T.V. or anything else? No, at that time your only desire was to breathe. So, if you want to be successful as much as you want to breathe then only you can be successful.

“The dream is not what you see in sleep, dream is which does not let you sleep”          -Abdul Kalam

It is not only enough to dream big and believe in yourself to become successful. By dreaming you will achieve what you want only in your mind but to make it happen in real world you have to work hard and make effort. Dreaming is not a big deal, everybody dreams whether it is small or big. But what separates extraordinary from ordinary is their capacity to deliver hard work and remain patience. Remember “No pain no gain”

Next thing is patience which many people lacks.

A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else.”

-George Saville

Only working few days with full of enthusiasm won’t make you successful.

The secret to success is to start from scratch and keep on scratching.”

-Dennis Green

So, you should work hard regularly. Success of famous athletes is not only due to their single day of practice but it is the result of their several years of hard work, dedication and devotion. Great achievements are the combination of small effort connected to each other by patience to form a big effort.

Many great people also regard patience as a key to success. If you loose patience you will lose everything else, self belief, hope and even fruit of your effort will disappear.

So, remember success is not easy. It requires strong dedication and patience. So do you have that quality? If not, then adopt it.

5. Utilize yourself fully:

Do you know how much you are capable of? Well a average human has got both physical and mental capacity. These two capacities are made available to us so that we could do more progress in life. But many don’t utilize and maintain this capacity fully so they fail to become successful. We can see some people using only mental capacity more and physical capacity less and vice versa.

For example a wage worker utilizes his physical capacity as much as he can but he fails to utilize his mental capacity. He don’t dream big, everyday he spends most of his money and start as fresh and new next day. Our brain normally uses 25% of our body’s energy and sometimes more if we are doing hard mental tasks. So, such person should at least try to take benefit from energy spent over brain. Whereas some people uses mental capacity at more amount but don’t utilize physical capacity properly. Due to this, they become unhealthy which limits their potentiality.

So, utilize each and every capacity of yours to stay healthy as “Health is wealth”.  The more you use it the more better and stronger it gets.

photo credit: danorbit. via photopin cc

photo credit: Kris Krug via photopin cc

Chapter: 22 Earn Money

Dollars

*. What is money?

Money is a representation of value you gave to the people. So, to earn money you should be able to give something of value to the people or society.

When you are able to give something of value especially something creative or new thing then people will be willing to pay you for the value which you have delivered to them.

For example, imagine you are a student who usually earns a good grade and good grade represent that you have good amount of knowledge. The more study you do, the more knowledge you will gain and accumulate, thus this will enable you to deliver more value to other people. But if you had passed by cheating or getting low marks, then generally you won’t be able to deliver good amount of value related to academic sector to people.

After accumulating a lot of value and knowledge within yourself try to find a place to release or invest it. And try to deliver something of value to people and don’t forget to ask for money with people for the deliverance of something of value. While delivering your value give your major focus to deliver something of good value to the people than earning money.

Next thing you have to do is, you have to increase your capacity and try to deliver your value in bigger scale if you wants to be paid in bigger scale. Try to do better and better.

*. What is the purpose of money?

The main purpose of money is to be able to solve various problems and to be happy. The more money you will earn, the more it will enable you to solve various problems.

But in the name of earning money don’t forget about the things like health, relationship, social life and passion which are also equally important and should be balanced. Earning money without these can make you rich but in the end you will feel hollow, unsatisfied and alone.

The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d worth if you lost all your money.

-Unknown

So, be satisfied and happy with what you have. Appreciate and enjoy the things you have. And also work harder to fulfill what you don’t have. Be satisfied for what you have done instead of being unhappy for what you haven’t. Instead of thinking ‘If’ think ‘Next time’ and try to do more better next time.

Because, “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there” –Will Rogers

Below are the some tips to which can help you earn money:

1. Start early:

Although, it is never late to do something positive. But most of the self made millionaire and rich people had started working from teenage year.

You should be clear that working not only means to work for money. Getting education, skill or knowledge can also be work which can increase your ability to give something of value.

“If you work hard than you’re paid, then soon you’ll be paid more than you work”       -Rim John

So, don’t ignore your study or learning process even if you don’t get paid, soon or later it will help you to earn money, if you are able to utilize it properly.

2. Get education:

Generally people having specific formal education are doctor, engineer, lawyer etc and these kinds of sector are the reliable sources of good income. People involved in these kinds of sector can easily live better life than average people.

But if you are bad in formal education, then also you don’t worry, all you need to do is improve the talent or skill which you already have or which you like to have. Generally, to earn money you need to have specific knowledge than formal education.

3. Begin from small:

Always try to do something from small scale.

Because it is better to test the water before you completely dive into that water.

By beginning from small amount of capital you don’t have to worry too much even if it gets unsuccessful. And with the passage of time you will gain more and more experience and you can make it bigger if it get success. Remember every tree you see around yourself were small in the beginning but with the passage of time they became bigger.

Remember that, “A journey of thousand miles must begin with a single step.” – Lao Tze

Before doing anything try to find the supply and demand. Try to find which commodity is needed most in market and find out, which place is more suitable to work.

4. Avoid loan:

“People who don’t understand interest pay them, who understand earn them.”– Albert Einstein

Isn’t this above mentioned quote practical?

So, you should avoid the loan especially for buying unproductive things and to fulfill unnecessary material needs.

It is also said that rich people earns money by using others money. But to do so, one should be experienced in his/her business and s/he should know the trend of market.

Remember loan can make rich (lender) people richer but poor (borrower) people poorer.

5. Work hard:

“Harder I work luckier I get”-Gray Player

Rich people work hard to get lucky. But poor people wait for luck.

While unemployed people get busy in watching T.V, gambling etc, employed people get busy in their work and enjoy while doing work.

Rich people look and try to find opportunity. But poor people wait for opportunity to knock their door.

So, don’t get involved in unproductive task instead use that time to earn money or to increase your skill or knowledge. Time is money. Don’t waste it on those things that don’t matter in the future.

6. Save and invest:

Piggy bank

How many hours do you work? Generally a normal person works for 8 hours and get paid for only that 8 hours. But rich people generally don’t work for that much time but also they remain rich and earn more money. This is because they send their money to work for them by investing on productive things. And that money works for them for all day and night.

So, at first, work hard to earn money and save as much as you can by spending less on unproductive and unnecessary things. Don’t only save and accumulate the money in your home but invest it on something productive. Because due to economic inflation purchasing power of money is decreasing day by day.

Sooner you start to save and invest, the more better it will be.

7. Dream big and stay positive:

Dreaming has a big power than you can even imagine. The more you dream the more motivation and ideas you will get.

Rich people become richer and richer because they set big vision for them. But poor people set small vision for themselves to prevent disappointment and failure.

Rich people try to look at opportunity but poor people try to look at risks and consequences. Rich mind sees beautiful rose flower amongst the thorns but the poor mind sees dangerous rose thorns amongst flowers. So, if you want to earn more money try to seek opportunity and become optimistic.

Next thing is to be positive. According to law of attraction only positive thoughts attracts positive results.

So, don’t waste your mental energy on things like revenge, sadness, despair, jealousy, grief and greed. And free up the mental space and energy to utilize on the things like learning, being satisfied, planning, being hopeful and staying positive.

8. Try to learn everyday:

Learning may sound boring to you. But if you don’t try to learn regularly then you will never progress. Learning can help you to be efficient, effective and can help you move with time.

So, don’t blame on others for your failure. Try to find your fault, learn from it and try to prevent the same mistake next time. If you can, then self study is the best and effective method to learn because to learn from self study you don’t have to make mistakes and face the consequences of those mistakes.

9. Ignore the society and negative people:

Don’t listen to what people say; just do what is good for you.

For example if you marry by taking loan, society may give you compliments for the party, but do they help you to pay your loan? Certainly, not. After few days society will even forgets about what they ate and experienced in that party but can you forget about that loan. Same conditions apply for other things. Don’t work to make other people happy, first of all make yourself happy.

Don’t worry about what people will say even when you get involved in so-called small work. Just remember, everything happens for the first time. It may feel little weird in the beginning but overtime you will get its habit and it will feel normal.

                              People say that you can’t because they themselves are unable to do it. People criticizes you because generally people who can’t progress becomes jealous towards other’s progress, hard work and potentiality. If someone says you that no-one has done this before then be the first one to do it.

10. Beware of shortcuts:

If you want to earn legal or white money then there are no shortcuts. Money can only come to you through hard-work and progressive attitude.

People may say that they will make you rich in no time but it is their own way to make themselves rich by tricking you. In this world there are various businesses which may say that you don’t have to work hard to earn money after investing money on them.

Over internet there are various sites which say that they will unveil you secret to become rich, provide you job or give you visas. And such sites may ask you money for that.

In market there are various products, and its seller may say that their product will provide quick or cheap recovery. Even if such product are able to give you quick recovery but they can bring long lasting effects later or sooner.

In this kind of cases you yourself have to be aware. To attracts your attention sellers may use following tactics:

  1. They may say limited offer or limited time.
  2. They may provide you unexpected or heavy discounts.
  3. They may make you feel like special person or treat you like you are their own closest relative or friend. They may even give you compliment.

So, beware of shortcuts, if someone had really known the secrets or way to get rich why would they like to share with you but instead they would have used it for themselves to become one of the world’s richest men.

photo credit: AMagill via photopin cc

photo credit: 401(K) 2013 via photopin cc

Chapter: 21 Stay Healthy

 “Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live”           -Jim Rohn

Are you taking care of your body? If not then you should start to take care of it. If your body becomes healthy then all the aspects of your life will become healthy. That’s why people say, “Health is Wealth.” Even though how much wealth you have all will be worthless if you are unhealthy and you will not even get the chance to enjoy your life properly.

Think about how will you feel when you get infected from common cold or fever? Will it feel good? Probably not. If even by suffering from such kind of simple diseases can make you feel bored and stressed, then imagine how it will feel by suffering from dangerous diseases like cancer, diabetes, heart attack etc. Or ask the person who has suffered from such dangerous diseases about his/her feeling.

Many people say that if one has wealth then he/she can ultimately become healthy. It is also true up to some extent, with the help of wealth one can cure wide range of diseases. But what is the worth of pain, misery and loss of time faced while being unhealthy. So, there is no doubt that health is wealth. By being healthy you can save money and even earn more money. Think, how much it will cost to cure diseases like cancer, diabetes, heart diseases, kidney failure etc. Certainly it will cost hundreds of thousands of money and don’t forget to add pain and misery also. And remember that, this is very short list of diseases, there are more than hundreds types of different diseases which can attack us if we don’t try to be healthy.

Good health not only helps to protect us from various diseases but also helps to live longer, save money, work efficiently, be happy and be stronger (physically and mentally).

And it is also not so hard to be healthy, if you add these following simple activities which are mentioned below in your daily life, then you can be healthy:

1. Drink water:

Water

Do you know that more than 60% of our body is made up of water? If you don’t know, then get to know it. Water is used for various activities in our body like digestion, absorption of nutrients, circulation, creation of saliva, transportation of nutrients and maintenance of body. That’s why an average man can’t survive more than 7 days without water.

Water not only helps in survival but also helps to remove toxins and by-products from our body, helps to keep skin fresh and moisturized, prevents various skin disorders. Water helps to prevent dehydration, helps to fight against flu and other ailments like kidney stone and even reduce risk of bladder and colon cancer. Water helps in brain development that’s why it is also regarded as brain food.

So, drink at least 3-4 litres of water daily for the best results. But remember water which you drink should be clean and healthy. If needed, then you can also increase the amount of intake of water beyond 4 litres. But remember too much consumption of water is also not good because in such condition your body may lose useful nutrients through urine.

2. Sleep well:

In past people used to think that those who sleep less can progress a lot and do better. But time has changed a lot and many scientific researches have shown various benefits and facts about sleeping well.

Some of the facts and benefits are:

  1. While sleeping, our body maintains and repairs tissues and cells at high rate. Adequate sleep can also reduce the risk of tumor.
  2. Lack of proper sleep can increase the risk of diabetes, heart diseases, depression and various body and hormonal disorder.
  3. Adequate sleep helps in memory retention, improvement of memory and concentration.

So, try to sleep for about 7-8 hours daily. If you think you need a nap during a day then have it but make it less than of 30 minutes. Remember except for babies and small children, sleeping more is also as much dangerous as sleeping less. For best results sleep and wake up at regular time daily even in holiday. You should know that quality of sleep matters the most than quantity. So, to improve the quality of sleep avoid the use of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. As far as you can, try to avoid use of caffeinated drinks like tea, coffee etc.

3. Eat healthy and control your weight:

Few decades ago people used to believe that eating more is good for health and they used to take fatness as a symbol of wealth, happiness and good health. But many researches have proved that those facts are not true. Both, being overweight and eating unbalanced diet can make you unhealthy and vulnerable to various diseases like diabetes, heart problems and many more. Being overweight and eating unhealthy foods not only make you unhealthy, but also make you less efficient and look awful.

So, start to work on it before it becomes too late. Eat less processed foods and less sugary foods. Avoid emotional eating (habit of eating due to various emotions or to avoid stress) and avoid eating more than necessary. Add green vegetables, colourful fruits and home made food in your diet as much as you can.

If you really want to loose weight then you should be slow and steady. Don’t run after attractive and unbelievable advertisement but take the suggestion of expert and health specialists. Don’t try to achieve the size of underweight models, shown in T.V because being underweight is also not healthy and can bring various health problems. Remember the main aim of controlling the weight is to be healthy and active. And some people can be healthy and active even if they look overweight. So, don’t get frustrated even if you don’t lose weight. And don’t stop exercising. Don’t eat as much as you can but eat as much as you need.

4. Exercise daily:

Girl jogging

Development of technology and machines have not only made our life comfortable but also have made our life vulnerable and risky to various diseases and disorders. Our ancestors used to live by hunting, running and facing various physical obstacles daily that’s why they were healthy and used to live longer. But we being children of that same ancestors are depending on machines to make our life comfortable and efficient that’s why we are becoming more and more weaker and unhealthy.

Although it is not possible to live like our ancestors in this 21st century but exercising can solve the problem. And benefits of exercising worth more than the effort needed to exercise. So, start doing 20-30 minutes of exercise daily. If you can’t manage that much time then at least do 10 minutes of exercise daily but it should be more intense. Remember in the context of exercise, little is better than nothing.

Daily work and normal activity don’t generally falls in exercise. And gym and money is also not needed for exercising. Activity like briskly walking, jogging, doing yoga or stretches can do the work of exercise. Activities which increase your heart beat and which make you unable to sing a song while doing it can be regarded as exercise. While doing exercise try to take deep breath rather than short and fast breathe in order to prevent lack of oxygen in blood.

5. Meditate daily:

Do you have a habit of doing meditation? If not then you should start to meditate. There are so many reasons to meditate and some of them are:

  1. Meditation helps to increase immunity by increasing the activity of disease fighting genes and can even helps to reduce the risks of cancer.
  2. Meditation helps to reduce the risk of depression, reduces stress and unhealthy emotions and brings calmness.
  3. Meditation can helps to improve memory by increasing the growth of cell in the hippocampus of brain.

These are just short lists of benefits of meditation. Start meditation from today to grab all the benefits of meditation.

6. Avoid cigarette, alcohol and drugs:

Today’s world is amazing people are doing things which they shouldn’t do and negative things are getting more and more popular. Do you think using substances like cigarette, alcohol and drugs is profitable? Certainly, not. Although there is very tiny benefit of using these substances but losses and disadvantages are very huge. Ultimately, there will be no chance of profit if loss is very huge than profit.

So, avoid using such substances and don’t even try for one time. Also try to avoid passive smoking because it is also as much harmful as direct smoking. And even if you are addicted to these substances try to get rid of addiction of such substances as soon as possible. By getting rid of addiction you can add 5-10 years in your life span, your risks of various disease can be reduced dramatically, your medical expense and expenditure will be saved, you will become better person and you will be able to live better and normal life.

7. Manage stress:

Do you have good hygiene? If not, then have it. Good hygiene not only makes you healthy by preventing communicable diseases but also makes you look more smarter.

And to have good hygiene is not very hard, just little effort can give you good hygiene. Some of the tips to have good hygiene are:

  1. Stay clean and wear clean clothes as far as possible.
  2. Brush your teeth twice in a day for about two minutes each time. If you don’t brush your teeth then toxins and germs from teeth not only harms your gums but also can impure your blood and can even affect other organs. Don’t use sand or coal to clean the teeth, but instead use tooth paste containing fluoride. Many people ignore to brush teeth after and before sleeping but it is more important to brush at that time because at night time our mouth doesn’t releases saliva, thus this increases the chance of tooth decay and plaque formation at night time.
  3. Trim your nails (of both leg and hand) short. But if you want to keep it long then keep it, but it should be clean.
  4. Wash your hand properly as far as you can with soap and water before eating and after going to toilet.
  5. Try to keep your surrounding and your material clean, neat and tidy.

 

8. Manage your stress:

Do you know our body is composed of both physical and mental aspect? So, it is not enough to be physically healthy only, being mentally healthy is also equally necessary.

For the better mental health one should know the way to manage stress.

Generally there are two method of managing stress i.e. healthy and unhealthy. Unhealthy method of stress management includes smoking, drinking alcohol too much, overeating or under eating, emotional eating, sleeping too much, procrastinating, using pills or drugs to relax and using excessive T.V or internet to forget about problem. Unhealthy methods are easy to apply and reduce stress temporarily but can cause huge damage later. Unhealthy method don’t helps to solve the problem but makes it more worse. That’s why don’t use unhealthy method.

Always use the healthy method to solve stress because it not only gives sense of satisfaction but also helps to solve problems. Some of the healthy method to manage stress are:

  1. Change your thinking style:
  2. Realize that working hard to lessen the problem is far more better than stressing over the problem.
  3. Learn to forgive other for their mistake (especially if their mistake is small) as far as you can. Always apologise for your mistake and think to do better in next time. Let go the negative feeling and emotions like hatred, envy, jealousy etc.
  4. Focus on what you have instead of what you don’t have. Focus on the things you can do or achieve instead of focusing on the things which is out of your control like death of family members, natural disaster, weather etc. Focus on what you have gained instead of focusing on what you have lost. Focus on positive things to attract more positive things and feelings in your life.
  5. If your environment is the major cause of stress then change your environment to fit according to your desire or need. But if you can’t change it, then try to change your attitude to fit with the environment.
  6. Learn to say ‘no’ to avoid too much or unnecessary responsibility. You should try to make yourself happy before making others happy.
  7. Try to enjoy everything you have, even your work. Set aside the particular time regularly for doing the activities you like most. For example, spending time with good friends, sharing feelings with closest person, listening to music, playing sports which you like, watching comedy etc.
  8. Meditation can also help to manage the stress, so try to do it. Or take deep breathes and try to relax. Imagine of being in the beautiful place you like.

photo credit: thefost via photopin cc

photo credit: Ed Yourdon via photopin cc

Chapter: 11 Teenage Life

Teenagers

                                         Everyone experiences teenage life which begin at about 11 years of age and last up to about 20 years of age. This is a transitional stage of physical and psychological human development. As well as change in brain occurs with the increase in knowledge and ability to think abstractly and reason effectively.

                                       Teenage is the short period of life i.e. about 10-15% of whole life. It is the time of learning and growing to be able to face and solve the problems of life. Small changes in teenage life can bring great effects for whole life because it is the initial stage of life. It is time to choose the direction for our life. And if you do a mistake while choosing direction then your whole life can wander around the wrong direction.

                                      For example, if you are morally good, hard-working and positively hopeful person, then you hold a high chance of being successful and good person later in life. But, if you are wicked, addicted and negligence person then you hold a high chance of being unsuccessful and bad person, later in life. You may say that adult people can also involve in bad activity later in life even after being good in teenage year. But chances are very low for adult to choose bad path than teenagers.

Let’s take another example, just imagine what will happen to bicycle moving with the speed of rocket? Certainly it will be more vulnerable to heat produced by friction and may even get destroyed. But rocket don’t get destroyed nor it get affected with that much speed because rocket is fully developed and advance than bicycle. In this way, although you have energy and physical body like adult, but they are not completely developed. Many things in you are still developing so they may not work well. But adult person is more developed than you almost in all aspect, s/he knows how the world works, s/he is more experienced than you and s/he knows which thing is important and which is not.

                                                                             Let’s see some feelings and changes which occur in teenage life:

1. Although you are not completely a child but little influence of imaginary and overestimating character of child is still in you. That’s why, like child you become too much ambitious and you overestimate yourself whereas you underestimate many reality of life. Whenever you see public figure like artist, athletes, politician etc then you want to be like that person without caring about your present condition and challenges. You also regard yourself as extraordinary. And later when your ambition becomes unreachable or impossible then you start to feel stressed and depressed.

2. Externally you start to appear more like adult and less like child. That’s why people around you starts to treat you like adult, they decrease their guidance and observation over you because they forget the one fact that you are still not completely adult and you aren’t mentally ready to handle stress and challenges of adult life. During teenage years you yourself have to make many decisions and decision which you make may get wrong. You faces many new physical and psychological changes which you haven’t experienced before. And such changes and challenges are mostly handled by you yourself.

3. During this stage there is also influence of adult brain over you. That’s why you want to be independent and have self respect. You hate when people scold and criticize you. You start to hold feelings of revenge, anger and hatred for a long time, even if the matter is small.

4. Due to hormonal and physical changes you start to get attracted towards opposite sex and you want to be loved by opposite sex. And your desire to have sex also increases. Since this kinds of feelings are new to you, that’s why you lack experience to handle and manage it properly.

5. You want to spend your most time with your friends. Because you and your friends share same belief, attitude and same physical changes. And it is fact that, people who shares same belief, same problem, same conscious level and same standard wants to spend time together. You might have heard a saying “Birds with same feather fly together.” During teenage year, as you spend your most time with friend like you and if the attitude, behaviour and habit of your friends are not good then it will starts to influence you.

6. At this time you don’t have to be stressed about basic needs like foods, clothes, shelter and other things because your parents are there to fulfill it. So you only give priority to short- term gratification and you don’t think about tomorrow. So, you just want to watch T.V, enjoy and you don’t want to study because during teen year you generally don’t have to worry or stress about basic needs. One research shows that, teenagers give high priority to rewards especially social rewards than consequences. That’s why whenever a teenage boy sees his friends or other people then he try to speed up his bike and tries to show stunts. Because he wants them to give him a social reward which includes positive comments like cool, awesome, fantastic etc. While speeding up his bike and showing stunts he ignore the risks and consequences involved which can even kill him. That’s why during this teenage year, one ignore the consequences and risks of using drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, wasting too much money etc whereas gives a lot of priority to rewards especially social rewards obtained from doing such activities.

7. Remember adult people rule the world.Look around your house, college, nation… who is leading it.
– No matter how much powerful or invincible you may think:
-You will fail, if you don’t study.
-You will end up in jail, if you rob or steal.
-You will die if you do drugs, speed up your bike…
List goes on and on.
But here’s a thing, you will be successful, if you give something of value to other.

This kind of above mentioned facts make teenage life most vulnerable.

I will describe about some of the above mentioned facts in the upcoming chapters. But also try to realize and understand these above mentioned facts and improve yourself.

Remember this quote, “The consequences of today are determined by the actions of the past. To change your futures alter your decisions today.”

Acknowledge that, you yourself should be responsible for the good and bad reward of your good and bad deed respectively.

photo credit: Whiskeygonebad via photopin cc

Chapter: 12 Value of Time

Awesome Watch

Time is progressive because it waits for none and it is valuable because life is short. If you live for about next 70 years then you have only about 25,550 days remaining to live. For a while, this figure looks a lot but in reality it isn’t. For example, when someone gives you Rs 1000, at first this amount of money may looks too much to you. But if you start to spend that money randomly and if that money reduces to Rs 100, then that same amount which you have got in the beginning, appears to be like small amount and you may even regret over your unnecessary expenditure.

Another example to prove it is: imagine your next exam is scheduled to 365 days ahead. At the beginning this number of days may look too much to you. So, you may spend it on useless tasks like unnecessary partying, wandering, watching T.V, movie etc. Every day you may just put off your studying task for next day or next week in order to give yourself time to enjoy. You may not even notice that your time is going down until you have just 20-30 days remaining before exam. Then at that time, you start feel too much pressured. You start to regret about your habit and past useless task. At last your exam may even get worse.

In this type of case you don’t have to worry too much because it is just a small amount of money and just an exam. And you can also say, “Next time I will do much better” because you can again get chances to earn money and face the exam again at various point of life. But, if same type of condition happens at the end of your life then can you say “Next time I will do better?” No you can’t. Instead you only have to bear self hatred, self criticism and regret.

Whereas if you had spent that Rs 1000 on important thing then that same amount would have worth more and could have even given you sense of satisfaction. And if you had properly utilized most of your time before exam for studying, then those 365 days would have worth more and you would have felt good about it. Similarly, if you utilize the time of your life on the things that matters or give you innermost satisfaction then, you can make your life valuable and you also don’t have to regret later in life.

Now I will like to give you example of some major things which can waste your time:

1.Television and knowledge less movies

You may like to watch T.V and movies too much. But watching too much of such things will only waste your time. Some of the facts of watching T.V and movies are:

i. Research shows that T.V slows down our mind and excessive watching of T.V can make one’s brain inactive. You may say, “We can get news and information from T.V and movies.” But it is better to read such news and information from newspapers, books or internet. Because reading makes your mind to imagine the scenes of things which you read and can even help in development of brain.

ii. Nowadays T.V programmes and movies are highly commercialized. They are also less effective in giving good moral and knowledge. Moreover they are accompanied by lots of advertisements which encourage you or increase your desire to buy the product shown in advertisement, even if you don’t really need it.

iii. Most movies and T.V programmes contains violence scenes, nude scenes, scenes of using drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. And too much exposure to this type of scenes can create the negative impacts on your brain and even encourages you to do so in real life.

iv. How many hour do you watch T.V in a day? For example, if you watch T.V for 1 hour in a day then in a week you will watch T.V for 7 hours. And at the end of the week do you feel like you have achieved anything by watching T.V? But if you had spent that 7 hours time in something important that matters, then you would have certainly got sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

v. Programmes and movies in T.V is just tricking you and holding you back. Do you know why you want to watch T.V? The major reason behind this is that programmes in T.V and movies give you short-term sense of achievement of thing that you want to happen in your life. As your mind feels and behave what you are seeing in T.V is really happening in your life and even releases chemical like adrenaline or dopamine depending on scenes, which gives you sense of satisfaction, excitement, fear or risk. For example, teenagers wants to be in love with opposite sex, due to this programmes or movies related to love story is popular among teenagers as it provides them short term sense of what they are desiring is really happening in their life. Whereas cartoons and imaginary programmes are popular among small children because they wants imaginary and supernatural things to happen in their life. So, instead of watching T.V to get short-term gratification, start to work hard to achieve the things which you really want in life and get true satisfaction and happiness.

I think now you have been too much clear about T.V programmes and movies. So, from today try to reduce the time which you waste in watching as much you can. The more you reduce watching T.V the more productive you can be.

2. Internet and Social Networking

This is the age of information and technology. At present, major source of information is internet. But instead of using internet for information many teenagers and youth uses it for doing useless tasks and chatting in social networking sites. If you are one of them then I want to say something.

Social networking sites have been very helpful for making this world a global village. They are helping us to chat and make a video call with our relatives and our friends who are living far from us. We can even make new friends through them and many more. But what is happening is that such social networking sites are being misused and are being used too much than necessary. Do you know that in developed country people are using internet to earn money, to gather information and to make their life better. But many people in our country are using it to spend their valuable time by doing useless or worthless tasks. Do you know, that too much use of social networking site can also make you addict to it. There is a saying “Too much cooks spoils the broth.”

So, use such social networking sites for good and productive thing and avoid its excessive use. Beware of cyber-bullying and remember that it is better to meet the person directly or talk with him/her through video or audio call than chatting with him/her by sending text message. Social networking sites are made to make our life easier not to damage it. And don’t forget to use internet for getting new information.

3. Smoking, drinking alcohol and using drugs.

Smoking, drinking alcohol and using drugs can also waste your time. I think after reading chapters related to them you might have learnt pretty much about them. Again what I want to say is don’t use such substances.

Remember “Every moment you get is a gift. So spend it on the things that matter. Don’t spend it by dwelling on unhappy things.”

Thus, realize the value of time from today and appreciate your each second and utilize it properly.

There is a saying, “To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
-To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who has given birth to pre-mature baby.
-To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of weekly newspaper.
-To realize the value of ONE hour, ask the lover who are waiting to meet.
-To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask the person who missed the train.
-To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.”
Treasure every moment you have! And remember “Time and tide waits for none.”

DO you think you lack a time to do something? If so then first of all read this quote:
“Don’t say that you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Hellen Keller, Pasteur, Michanlangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo Da Vinci and Albert Einstein”
-Life’s Little Instruction Book compiled by H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Isn’t the above mentioned quote truthful? Have you ever realized that you are also given equal amount of time that was given to great people? Well, it’s up to you how you utilize your time and how much effectively you use it?

There is another saying: “You don’t get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring in the hour.”
-Jim Rohn

That’s why people in higher posts are paid more than the people in lower posts. Have you ever thought that why only handful number of people is remembered from among the billions of people who have died in this earth? And another amazing thing is that everyone who has born in this earth was given equal amount of hours, minutes and seconds in a day, since from thousands of years ago. This is all because of proper utilization of time. That’s why people like Moti Ram Bhatta, Parijat etc are remembered and respected even though they had lived for short time.

So, it don’t matter how much time you have got to live. The real thing which matters the most is how you spend the time you have got to live. So, start living fully on the thing that really matter.

photo credit: Paul Tridon via photopin cc

Chapter: 13 Teenage Love

Teenage lovers holding hand

Nature has made man and woman different from the beginning. What man posses biologically (especially sex organs) and psychologically is different than woman and what woman posses is different than man. This is because to make them able to fulfill each other’s needs and lacks.

Woman has a set of sex organs made to get pregnant and to bear baby in womb for 9 months. Whereas man has different set of sex organs made to impregnate a woman. This is a biological fact which you have to understand.

Psychologically, woman posses nurturing and social behaviour whereas man posses aggressive behaviour. Let’s go to little ancient time, at that time whenever wild animals used to attack village, aggressive behaviour of man was perfect to deal with such animals. But to deal with a child, social and nurturing behaviour is perfect rather than aggressive behoviour. These kinds of behaviours are naturally obtained from childhood. For example, a girl child likes to play with doll, teddy bear and toys related to kitchen. Whereas, a boy child likes to play game related to fighting and attacking. Similarly even in adult age women like to engage in household work and caring baby. Whereas man like to work outside where aggressive behaviour is generally required.

A woman wants to feel safe and protected and wants to bear healthy child and wants to secure bright future for them. That’s why in past women used to choose mating or life partner on the basis of social status, physical structure and economic status. Whereas a man needs to be emotionally supported and calmed down. At present, due to influence of media , advancement of human society, balance of rights and advancement of laws and justice this kinds of wants and desires are either decreased or suppressed. But also their influence can be found if we look around ourselves.

From above you can see how man and woman equipped to fulfill each other’s needs and desire. They are also well equipped to solve various problems, when they are together. And love is the only thing that keeps man and woman together for a long time in order to supporting each other. You may say sex is greater but I think love is. Sex is like academic certificate whereas love is like education. Generally education is needed to have certificate. When you have good education then you will automatically get good certificate. In this way, when you have true love then sex will be more better and provide long-term satisfaction. You may say that one can have a fake certificate. Yes, it is true. Like fake certificate one can also have sex without love. But such kind of sex is not satisfactory and provides regrets, later in life.

So, love is a wonderful thing to have if done in a right and proper way. But teenagers are not fully developed to make their love successful. That’s why teenage loves generally don’t last for longtime.

I have some reason to prove this: Like when you were a child you used to enjoy in your imaginary world, you used to enjoy watching cartoons, superstitious and imaginary programmes and movies, you used to play with toys etc. but when you became teenager you lost your interest towards all those things, you started to like movies based on love story, you started to get attracted towards opposite sex, you started to realize your responsibility and limit, you started to get worried about your future, etc. Again, when you become adult you are going to change a lot.

Generally, teenager gives more priority to physical and external attractiveness. They generally don’t care about other things which are which are more important than physical feature. But when one becomes adult he/she starts to think differently and he/she gives priority to other things which are more important. Generally at that time, physical attractiveness and external factor becomes secondary goal. At that time he/she will realize and understand what is truly important and what is not, he/she will realize how stupid he/she was during his/her teenage year and regret over the past wrong decision and bad activity of past.

So, at that time your lover may not like you or you may not like your lover, which you had chosen during your teenage year. In such condition one party will probably end up having broken heart, broken dreams and depression, even after giving few months or years of efforts and dedications to make love successful.

Another fact is that, teenage love is generally conditional. While doing love in teenage year you may say, if he/she will be like that then only I will love him/her or if he/she posses that thing then only I will love him/her and if not then I will dump him/her. But have you ever seen unconditional love of adult people? Despite of frequent misunderstanding and dispute they(adult lover) manage to stay together. As they love each other unconditionally and even in condition of dispute and quarrel, they manages peaceful discussion, realizes each other’s fault, solve that matter and give excuses to each other as far as possible. But, when such quarrel occurs in teenage love then they generally do breakup and hold a feeling of revenge and hatred against each other.

Remember that teenage period is the time to grow, learn new skill and to make yourself ready to cope the problems of future and to be successful. This is the most efficient time to learn and become better as you don’t have to worry about basic needs because your parents are there to fulfill all your basic needs. But later, you yourself have to fulfill most of your basic needs and you don’t get enough time to improve your skill and qualification. So, give your most priority to enhancement of skill, career and future than love during your this age.

One very true but bitter fact that occurs in our society is marriage by eloping. Many teenage lovers think that marriage is the only way to institutionalize their love. In the beginning days, after their marriage such couples might have a good life due to sexual attraction and money. But later when poverty, starvation and unemployment hits that family then their marital life starts to ruin because they lacks experience, skill and knowledge to cope such problems. In such conditions most of the troubles have to be faced by girl due to prevalence of male dominant society. In such family birth of a child just adds additional problems, especially to that girl. Such girls are not generally accepted by boy’s family and generally they becomes victim of torture by family members boy’s side. In such condition if the love and marriage was between inter-caste couple then the problem will only becomes more severe, as our society is still traditional and cultural minded.

By showing these facts I am not trying to advocate against teenage love. But I am just trying to make you aware about risk involved while doing love in teenage year. Time has changed a lot. So, it’s not possible and also not good to forbade one to do love during teenage year against his/her will. But, one shouldn’t make it too much serious; otherwise he/she has to face various problems in future.

Acknowledge this, “Don’t ever let your love to fly in the sky without any support on the ground, because when it falls down on that bare ground then it hurts a lot and that pain may not allow you to stand up again.”

So at this time give your major time and priority to your career and future than love. And use your love to motivate and improve each other not to degrade each other and not to waste each other’s time.

photo credit: ARACELOTA via photopin cc

Chapter: 14 Understanding Sex

Teenager kissing

In this world, multicellular living organisms like human being are continuing their life cycle since thousands of years. Their existence is possible due to production of new organism from older organism of same species. Without sex this production is not possible and that organism will certainly extinct.

Similarly human being is able to continue their life cycle and its race due to sex. You can see how much is sex important biologically. But it can become too much dangerous if you take it lightly and randomly. So, in this chapter I am going to make you aware about sex especially teenage sex.

In the past the main aim of sex used to be give birth to baby. Now it is linked with pleasure due to availability of modern contraceptive devices.

In the teenage period due to hormonal production and development of sex organs for being able to produce baby, you may feel desire to have sex. So, there is chance you may indulge in teenage sex which generally occur after teenage love or sometimes without any love.

Generally, major impacts and risk of teenage sex occurs over girl. So, I will like to focus this article over girl. Here are some facts that I want you to acknowledge:

i. If you involve in teenage sex even due to teenage love you regret about it later because teenage love generally don’t last long. You may feel regret of losing virginity for the person who don’t care you. This will only make you depressed, you may lose your confidence and generally you won’t feel that much of dignity like you used to feel previously before having sex.

ii. Best way to prevent unwanted pregnancy and STDs like HIV-AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes etc is to be away from sex. Contraceptive devices that are available today are also not 100% efficient. So, even though you adopt preventive method while having sex, you won’t be 100% safe from STDs and unwanted pregnancy.

iii. If you are a girl and if you become pregnant then can you face the bad criticism and comments of the society? Even if you managed to resist and ignore the society, it will be very hard to ignore your own feelings and thoughts of regret and self hatred. You have to face severe depression and sadness. You may not even get the support of your family at that time, when you need it the most.

iv. You may think that you can undergo abortion, which means to kill your own baby. Do you know that even the mother- animal won’t kill her own baby? Imagine how much self-hatred, regret, and problem you will face at that time? And generally underage abortion is very risky, so you may not be able to give birth to child again or breathe again after abortion.

v. If you want to give birth to the baby then next big question is how can a child can give birth to another child and take care of it? Not only you but also your child have to bear risks and your child may not be healthy. After giving birth to that child you have to commit yourself to take care and support that child for more than next 16 years. You may not be able to build your career and fulfill your many dreams. You can imagine how hard it will be to grow a child by a being single parent. Or look around the widow women and her children and observe the difficulty of their life due to lack of her husband.

vi. It don’t matter if you are a boy or girl but if you have already engaged in sex then there will be high chances that you will again engage in more sexual activity. Because after involvement in sex for the first time you will feel more confident and encouraged to involve in next time. And more you involve in such kind of teenage sex, the more you will have to face risk of STDs infection and teen pregnancy.

vii. This is the age of digital media like camera, video-camera etc. and if anyone became able to capture the photo or video of you while involving in sex and if he/she upload it over the internet then within a minutes that photo or video will be accessible through every nook and corner of the world. In such condition can you imagine what will happen to your dignity, self-respect, social status and your family’s reputation? Can you face the comments and criticism from the society? You may even be victim of cyber-bullying and black-mailing.

viii. One very important fact that you need to realize is that you don’t need to have sex with your lover to show that you love him/her. Especially for girl, if your boyfriend tries to blackmail you by saying, “If you love me then have sex with me. Otherwise I will dump you.” then in such case you should easily understand that he does not truly love you. If he had truly loved you then he would have respected your opinion and he would have happily waited to have sex until marriage. Another thing you should know is that the world is occupied by more than 7 billion people. So don’t feel sad to dump the boyfriend who doesn’t truly love you.

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

-Marilyn Monroe

Realize these above mentioned facts and don’t engage in sexual activity prior to marriage. Instead you can engage in safe sexual behviour like masturbation.

Below I will like to mention a trick which can help you to control your sexual arousal or sexual imagination, if you do it in right way. For that just try to inhale air up to 10 seconds, try to store that air or stop your breathing for up to 10 seconds and finally try to exhale the air up 10 seconds. Remember that you don’t have to inhale, store or exhale the air exactly for up to 10 seconds but try to do up to how much as you can by counting the number of seconds silently inside your mind.

Repeat this process until your mind is finally diverted away from sexual arousal or imagination.

NOTE:- If the facts mentioned in this chapter matches to your personal life then I would like to apologize for it. My intention is not to hurt you but I am trying to prevent the other teenager from facing the same problem which you have faced.

photo credit: Www.CourtneyCarmody.com/ via photopin cc

Chapter: 15 Sexual Abuse and Bullying

Abused girl

Sexual abuse also known as molestation, is the forcing of undesired sexual behaviour by one person upon another. The offender is referred to as a sexual abuser or molester

Sexual abuse can happen to both male and female. Sexual abuse is the harsh process done by stronger one to weaker one in which the abuser can also be family members like father, uncles or cousin, relatives, neighbours, friends and stranger.

In addition to direct sexual contact, child sexual abuse also occurs when an adult engages in indecent exposer (of the genitals, female nipples) to a child with a intent to gratify their own sexual desires or to intimidate or groom the child, asks or pressures a child to engage in sexual activities, displays pornography to a child or uses a child to produce child pornography.

Effects of child sexual abuse may include self guilt and self blame, nightmares, fear of things, depression, suicidal ideation, mental illness and flashbacks.

One can go against the abuser legally. So, if you are a victim then go against the abuser legally as far as you can. Your this step can motivate other victims to go against the abuser and can also discourage such devil minded abuser to repeat their animal like behaviour.

If you are a victim of sexual abuse then don’t feel bad about yourself, it’s not your fault. It’s the fault of that abuser and you should make him/her to pay for his/her deed legally as far as you can.

Remember sexual abuse can happen to anyone and it is not good to face that problem by hurting or killing yourself. Just believe that God has chosen you to face that situation because you are stronger and extraordinary than other. Don’t make yourself weaker by hurting yourself.

Remember, “Special things happens to special people.”

Use your problem to make yourself stronger and be the source of motivation to other who have faced the same situation and moreover try to prevent other from facing that situation.

Problem are there to make us stronger not to destroy us

Ignore the naysayer, because people who can’t do themselves says you can’t do.

Ignore the people who negatively criticize you because they are internally jealous of your bravery and courage that allowed you to face the problem.

Ignore the people who tries to lower your confidence and dignity because they want you to become ordinary like them, as they can’t withstand the fact, that you have become extraordinary.

Remember, “ A successful man is one who lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him”
-David Brinkley

If you are having very difficult to live a normal life after sexual abuse then take the help from rehabilitation center, counsellor, psychologist or institution working for child welfare for solution and help.

Remember that there is always solution to every problem. And there is always better way to do everything.

Bullying

Bullying is a form of aggressive behaviour, which may manifest as abusive treatment, the use of force or coercion to affect others, particularly when habitual and involving an imbalance of power.

Bullying consists of three basic types of abuse i.e. emotional, verbal and physical. It generally involves subtle methods of coercion such as intimidation. Bullying can manifest in relationship, household, school, friends, workplace and so on. Teasing and giving someone extreme negative criticism so that it hurts that person is also a type of bullying.

Below I have mentioned some ways to face bullying:

i. Bullying generally happens to that person who is living in fear, guilt, grief or shame. If you are the one who is living with such things, then remove them from your mind and body. If you lack something which other posses then admit that fact. And if you can improve your present condition then improve it otherwise let it go. Live fearlessly and be mentally stronger because there is no point of being sad, depressed and tensed. Being sad and depressed will only makes situation more and more worse. So that, try to face the problem, win over it and try to reduce its influence from you.

“Life is a choice. You can choose to be victim or anything else you like to be”

ii. Remember, even great people are not perfect in this world. Everyone has their own set of imperfection. And everyone has their own set of special and unique quality. Find out your quality and potentiality and utilize that quality properly. For example, if you have a hole in your garden which should be filled by mud. But if you only posses sand then it will be far better to fill that hole with sand than letting it unfilled and being sad over it. So, try to utilize what you have and use it to fulfill what you don’t have.

iii. Avoid the bullies from being around you as far as you can. Everyone in this world deserves better if they do better things. So, don’t fear to dump and ignore those people who try to hurt your feelings. Protect your feeling and dream with the strong shield of confidence, courage, dignity and self worth. Don’t let anyone to break you and your dream.

Now, let’s talk about cyber bullying. Nowadays use of social networking site is increasing all over the world and even in the country like ours. Due to various mistake of people, cyber bullying and cyber crime is increasing day by day. I am going to show you a true story relating to cyber bullying:

Amanda Todd is a Canadian teenage girl who had suicide by hanging herself in 2012 A.D at the age of 16 due to cyber bullying. Let’s see how this happened, according to the video which Todd had posted in You-tube before few days of her suicide, that when she was in grade 7 she used to do video-chat to meet new people over the Internet and she used to receive compliments on her looks. One day a stranger convinced Todd to bare her breasts on camera. The individual later blackmailed her with the threats to expose the topless photo to her friends unless she gave a “show”. In her video she told that later she began to use drugs and alcohol.
Even though she had changed her school, after three years the individual reappeared creating a Facebook profile, using that topless image as the profile image. That individual contacted with her classmates and teachers at her new school and unveiled many things related to Todd. Again Todd was teased by friends even after changing school. She told that she was even physically attacked and insulted by her classmates and friends. She tried to kill herself by drinking bleach but was unsuccessful. She began to engage in self mutilation and she even overdosed anti-depressant and was hospitalized for two days. At last due to extreme disappointment and failure of all attempt to kill herself, she hanged herself at her home.

If you want to know more about her and her video then do a Google search writing her name. If you can then, also try to find more about cyber bullying.

So, if you are parent then aware your children about this. If you are someone else’s elder brother or sister then make your younger one aware about this before it becomes too late.

Always remember,” Prevention is better than cure.”

Chapter: 16 Depression

Depressed lady

Depression is the state of low and aversion that can have a negative effect on person’s thoughts, feeling, world’s view and physical well being. Depression has no age limit and can occur to all age group. But in this chapter I am going to discuss about teenage depression.

Some symptoms of teen depression are:
i. Sadness or hopelessness.
ii. Decrease in self esteem.
iii. Being less inactive.
iv. Feeling worthless and thinking no-one cares.
v. Spending more time alone.
vi. Decrease in desire to do the things that were used to be fun once.
vii. Sleeping problems, imbalance in appetite and headache.
viii. Paying no attention in class, degradation in grades and staying away from school.
ix. Wanting to run away from home.
x. One may feel like crying, dejected and cannot concentrate on things.
xi. Feeling irritated, unloved and anxious.
xii. One may feel that s/he is the unlucky person in the world.
xiii. One Wants to suicide or hurt him/herself.
xiv. Involvement in abusive substances.

These are some symptoms of depression. But some symptoms are normal during teenage period due to hormonal change, change in thinking style and du to increase in stress. In teenage period it is normal that you may feel sad one day, happy another day, lonely other day and so on. But also try to find out the root cause of such sadness, loneliness, unhappiness etc in time and try to solve the root cause before it takes the form of depression. Whereas, symptoms like wanting to attempt suicide or to hurt oneself shouldn’t be taken lightly.

But if these kinds of above mentioned symptoms occur on you for more than two weeks then you should try to get special treatment or counseling.

Some major causes of depression are mentioned below:

i. Bullying or harassment at school or somewhere else

Bullying is the process in which stronger or powerful one tries to hurt weaker one. And harassment means to hurt people or make them feel unpleasant. The best way to prevent bullying and harassment is to maintain distance from those people who gets involved in such activity. If it doesn’t work then take the help of teacher or helpful adults as far as you can. Otherwise ignore such people. Let’s see an example of it: During the time Gautam Buddha, one man became very jealous about the name and fame of Buddha. So, he went to meet Buddha, at that time Buddha was meditating. So, he scolded, yelled and used worse word at Buddha. After sometime Buddha opened his eyes but that man was surprised to see calm and peaceful behaviour of Buddha. So, he said,” Although I scolded and shouted at you, why are you so peaceful and calm? And Buddha replied “If someone wants to give you a gift but if you ignore that gift, who will be the owner of that gift? That gift will certainly be of the same person who wants to give it to you, won’t it be? So, I also just ignored your entire gift.” Hearing this that man started to feel regret and asked for forgiveness with Buddha.

So, sometimes ignoring other can be great way to avoid other to harm you.

ii. Child abuse:Physical or Sexual

Child abuse can leaves the long-term marks in the growing brain of teenager. It may cause one to feel anxious, irritated and hopeless.

To face this kind of situation one shouldn’t feel guilt due to abuse especially sexual abuse. Best thing you can do to solve it is take the help of trustful and responsible adult and expert.

iii. Unsuccessful relationship and family problem

Family problem can also cause depression which includes divorce or separation of parents, being or feeling uncared or unloved by parents and death of parents. Sometimes breakup from one’s boyfriend, girlfriend or best friend can also cause depression.

If you are the one facing this kind of problem then you can request your parents or friends to stop doing the things that is hurting you. If it doesn’t work then accept that condition. You can’t make someone to love you or others. So, just forget about such relation if you can’t do anything about it, but don’t hold the feeling of hatred or revenge over them. These kinds of feeling won’t let you forget them and move forward. But if one deserves a legal punishment then go for it.

“Hate is like acid. It can damage the vessel in which it is stored and destroy the object on which it is poured”
-Ann Landers

To improve the situation, you can start to be with those who loves, cares and respects you. Don’t worry to leave who don’t matter, remember this world is like a ocean and if you are unable to get one fish, then you can try to have another.

iv. High ambition

It is true that we should set high ambition but we shouldn’t underestimate about the dedication that is required to fulfill that ambition. Generally at this teenage period, one wants to become everything. Whenever one sees singer, dancer, movie stars, politician and athletes either in real or T.V then he/she wants to be same like them. If you are one of them, then this is because you may not have any aim which truly matches your desire and feeling. And because when you see such people you can only see their success, fame and achievement but you don’t see their sacrifice, dedication, weakness and hard work and you only desire to be famous. When these kinds of dream, where you have underestimated the dedication, don’t get fulfilled then you will end up being depressed.

What you should remember is that there is thousands of ways to contribute to this world and get famous. Just choose a specific field which you truly desire, which makes you happy and which you are passionate about. Then try to get expert on that specific field. But don’t think that perfection and faultlessness as the things which can be achieved, just take it as a direction to move forward and become better. While moving forward, don’t get afraid and depressed of various limitation and obstacles.

“Everyone faces challenges in life. And what matters the most is how you learn to overcome them and use them to your advantage”

v. Being unsatisfied with oneself.

In this world no-one is perfect. Many don’t realize this fact and get unsatisfied with oneself. Generally teenagers are unsatisfied because they want to have all round development and perfection. They may be unsatisfied with their study, economy, appearance, family relation and so on, because they compare themselves with others. And what other generally do is, they try to hide their problems and weakness, which makes them to appear faultless and perfect. So, don’t compare yourself with others.

If you are one of them who is unsatisfied with oneself then look around the world there are vast number of things and all are important on their own place. Can you compare farmer and shopkeeper? No. They are completely different to each other but also they are contributing. And each of their contribution is very important to run this world in a balanced way. Similarly in your room there may be various things like chair, bed, table etc. Each of them are different and can’t be compared on any basis with each other.

It is the human nature to see other luckier and oneself unluckier. Realize this fact and don’t compare yourself with others.

“Why compare yourself with others? No one in this entire world can do better job of being you than you”

In life don’t worry about what you don’t have, be thankful for what you have. If you think more about what you don’t have then you will forget about what you do have.

You are precious, wonderful and unique as way you are. God has brought you in this world with a hope that someday you will be able to change the world not to change yourself. Don’t try to be others but be the original version of yourself.

Utilize whatever you have, to bring positive change in other’s life. This will certainly gives you immense happiness.

vi. Loneliness

Many people feel lonely due to lack of friends or family members. But during teenage period one generally feels lonely due to lack of lover or opposite sex, who they like. It is normal and happens to most. At teenage year your sexual organs starts to mature, different hormones are released and your brain starts to think differently. So, you get attracted to opposite sex.

Spending time with family

Stressing too much about this kind of feeling is not the good idea. You can reduce such loneliness by enhancing your relation with parents, good friends and by not living alone too much. Make yourself busy in the hobby or other creative work which you like the most. Just appreciate for what you have and try to enjoy with whatever you have.

Major consequences of depression.

Study has found that girls are twice more likely to get depression than boys. But boys who get depression are twice more likely to suicide or get involved in abusive substances than girls.

Two major consequences of depression are:-

i. Use of abusive substances

Many teenagers even adult get involved on drugs, alcohol and smoking due to depression. You should be clear that use of abusive substances won’t solve your any problems. Depression is the one problem you already have and use of such substances will only add another problem. Although you may feel high and pleasured due to its use but after its affects wears off, you again have to face the same problem.

If you become unsuccessful then don’t degrade yourself more by taking such abusive substances. But try to improve yourself and move more upward by facing and solving the root cause of the problem which made you unsuccessful.

ii. Suicide or self mutilation

If you are depressed then you may feel hopeless, sad and worthless. Sometimes situation may get too much worse and in such case thoughts of suicide or self mutilation may pop into your mind. And if you don’t solve the depression in time then your thought can happen in your real life.

One thing you should remember is that hurting yourself or doing suicide won’t solve your problem. But instead it will only affect you and people around you. You won’t be even remembered for that much long.

Before hurting yourself realize that how many plants and animals have sacrificed to feed you and to make your life comfortable. Realize how much your parents and your relatives have sacrificed their needs to fulfill your needs and to grow you up. All of them have hoped you to be better person or at least live your life fully. Is it fair to break their hope like a glass and tell me is it fair to make their sacrifice worthless, is it?

Don’t always expect others to help you. Many times in life you yourself have to help yourself. God will only helps to those who helps themselves.

Even though if everyone around you don’t believe in you. But, Mother Nature is always hoping for your contribution, that’s why she brought you in this world and that’s why you are living every bit of seconds till now. She has given everyone unique feature and unique purpose, and you should identify that purpose and try to fulfill it by utilizing whatever you have been given.

Even though, how hard you fall on the ground there are always ways to recover and grow again. For, example if your house is in fire then instead of jumping in that fire and killing yourself, you should try to throw as much water as you can to save your house from burning more. And try to build more better house than previous house from what you left after that fire. Moreover you can even work to prevent the other’s house from fire.

Remember, if you try then only you can win. If you don’t try then you will never win.
Don’t waste your precious life
Gold can’t but only coal can change itself into diamond after facing extreme pressure and pain.

So, realize your value, potential and don’t allow the pain to destroy you but use it as a fuel to motivate you to become better.

Ways to handle and solve the stress.

It is always best to solve the problem in time than to be victim of that problem later.
The very best way to treat depression (stress that last for more than 2 weeks) is to visit the expert or psychologists.

Some simple ways by which you can manage and solve your stress are:
i. Sharing the feeling, your problems and condition to someone whom you trust (especially who can encourage you) can help you reduce burden of problem, inner pain and sadness.
ii. Another thing you can do is write down all your problem, limitation and cause of disappointments on the piece of paper. Then dispose that paper in dustbin, fire or river. And think that your entire problem has gone away with that piece of paper you disposed. And try to be relaxed and hopeful for something good.
iii. Reading inspiring books, biography and self help books can help you a lot to feel better. In today’s society one of the major causes of teen depression is prevalence of media. That’s why people in the past weren’t too much depressed like today but also you can ask the good adult person about how was their teenage life.

These above mentioned way only help you to solve your problem externally. Some major ways to solve problem from its root are:

i. For this try to write the cause of depression on a piece of paper. Just write down whatever thoughts comes into your mind until you finally find true and deeper root cause of depression. Next thing you have to do is try to find out the best solution to the problem. You can even take the help of adult to find and accomplish your solution. One thing you have to understand is that solution of some problem requires a right time and right condition to get accomplished. In such cases don’t lose hope nor get sad. Just try to change your mentality and thinking attitude to make yourself wait for right time and right condition. There is a saying,

“You can’t find the leather to cover whole earth but you can find leather to cover your foot.”

ii. Next thing you can do is give yourself the autosuggestion and face the situation of which you are afraid of, at least within your mind. For example autosuggest yourself by saying,” I am becoming better and better. I am being able to solve..(name of problem).. I don’t fear doing ..(name of thing that you fear to do)… and so on.” Just think positively with clear mental image and think in a way that you have already achieved it. Repeat this type of autosuggestion as much as you can. Here I will like to show you how autosuggestion works. When you imagine about sweet dish, saliva will automatically comes into your mouth and when you think about sex you will automatically get sexually aroused. This is because our sub-conscious mind cannot differentiate between real and imaginary things. So, when you autosuggest yourself of being something even though you haven’t become in real life. Then your sub-conscious mind thinks it as a real and reinforces that thing to happen in real life. Next thing which you can do is face the problem mentally. Just imagine how you solved the problem that you fear of, imagine how you won over that problem and imagine what kind of positive change has been brought into your life after winning over the problem.

“Athletes visualize 1000s of times before they step on the track. They’ve already won. Other people just don’t know it yet”

iii. List out the things or good quality that you have. And think how can you utilize these things and use them for your advantage. Think how you can fulfill the needs of those things which you don’t have by utilizing the things which you have. Repeat this many times. And at last don’t only limit those thought inside your mind but work hard to make it happen in real life.

Try to acknowledge the fact I have mentioned in this chapter and improve your life.
Life is a choice. So, always make right and positive choice.

Don’t let your problems to limit you but work harder to limit your problems and finally reduce such problems.

photo credit: SalFalko via photopin cc

photo credit: maclauren70 via photopin cc